(bright music)
Welcome to Hadley Presents.
I'm your host, Ricky Enger, inviting you to sit back, relax,
and enjoy a conversation with the experts.
In this episode, Hadley learner, Sharon Noseworthy,
joins us to share her tips and tricks
for hosting a successful gathering.
Welcome to the show, Sharon.
Thank you, Ricky.
It's a pleasure to be here. Excellent.
I love how this came about.
You were actually taking some Hadley workshops
and giving us great feedback,
and during that process you noticed,
hey, I think something might be missing,
and I can contribute some ideas
if you're all amenable to that.
And certainly, we were just to have the chance
to sit down with you and talk about something
that I know many, many people struggle with.
I do, myself certainly thinking about having people
into my home and making it a relaxing and fun experience.
So I'm so happy that you're here
to share some tips and tricks.
Before we jump into the questions,
why don't we just get a little intro
and tell us a bit about who you are?
Well, I am a lady with low vision who
loved to host.
I was the one who liked to provide the venue
for any type of gathering.
I did all the family gatherings,
and that could be anywhere from five of us
to up to 40 of us.
I lost my vision, or it started to decrease
when I was in my early fifties.
And initially I thought, I can't do this anymore.
But I realized how important it is to our mental health,
our physical health, to socialize with others.
So I found out that I can do it.
I just have to take a little bit more time
and do it in a smarter way.
So when I think about gatherings,
I start to imagine, okay, I have 40 people in my house
and I wish I had a bigger kitchen,
and oh no, there's so much that can go wrong.
And before I've even envisioned
the possibility of doing this, I've talked myself out of it
because it feels so big and so overwhelming,
and I think a lot of people can relate to that.
So rather than throwing everything into the mix
and saying you're going to host a huge dinner party,
is there some way that someone
who really wants to do that socializing,
who wants to bring people into their home,
what's the best way to kind of take that first step
that's not so overwhelming?
First of all, be yourself.
If you are casual, be casual.
If you enjoy something a little bit more formal, like I do,
then do what's comfortable for you.
But the key there is be yourself and start off small.
If you're really nervous, just invite someone in
for a coffee or a tea and a cookie.
And my first tip is put a napkin under those cookies,
on that plate, so they don't slip off.
Once you've invited someone in for a coffee
and that went well, you might invite
two or three others to join you.
Then after that, you might want to go on
to a small lunch with one other person.
Build it up in increments, step by step by step.
And once you feel comfortable, then try something new.
The key to that is planning,
even if it's just a cup of coffee and a cookie,
you have to plan.
Do I have the sugar, the cream, the spoon, the plate,
the bag of cookies, if that's what we're using,
and put everything by the coffee pot or the coffee maker.
I love a coffee maker because I just push a button
and it's all premeasured,
which helps me to feel more comfortable.
So that's what I would say, Ricky, just take it slow.
So when you did this, you had a lot of,
you know, hosting duties under your belt
before you began losing vision,
and then you needed to just jump in
and figure out what worked
so that you could continue doing that thing that you loved.
Do you have some, just stories that you can share
about things that happened when you,
you know, jumped in and figured it out
and maybe things didn't go exactly as planned
or just something that you learned along the way?
I think I'll start off
with something simple like a coaster.
Get rid of the coasters
and use little cocktail napkins instead,
because I found repeatedly, I was putting
my cup on the edge of that and causing myself a problem.
And along those lines,
I couldn't see the plain glass any longer.
So I saw these pretty blue long stemmed wine glasses,
and I bought them and I put them on the table,
and sighted or not, those glasses were not a good idea.
So now I just use a squatty short glass.
It doesn't matter what I give other people.
I have my comfort glass, as I call it.
And I might prefer a red wine to a white wine,
cranberry juice to ginger ale, for example,
so that the glass is more visible.
And along those lines, I'm always looking for my cup.
My friends and I are getting older,
and we tried the trinkets,
but nobody could remember which trinket was theirs.
Now, we've created paper donuts with a slit,
and we put our names on those paper donuts
and put them around the stem of the glass,
and if I lose mine, they can help me find it.
I saw the most beautiful tablecloth
and it had the most beautiful pattern.
So I purchased it and I put it on the table
only to find out that everything blended into that pattern
and I couldn't see a thing.
So now I use a plain polyester cloth
that can be thrown into the washer.
And contrast is good there too.
If the dishes are dark, then light and vice versa.
Oh, I remember once I put the cloth on upside down,
but the guests, they didn't mention it
and I don't even think they noticed.
And I think the funniest one was I had made a plan,
and I didn't stick with my plan.
My plan was dishes in the cupboard,
we'll serve in the kitchen,
and take the dishes to the table.
I didn't stick with the plan, the food got put on the table,
we all sat down and the people stared at me.
Dishes still in the cupboard. (Sharon laughs)
I learned, make a plan and stick with it.
As you're planning one of these things,
it can be easy to maybe get hung up on certain details,
and it turns out that some things
are really, really important
that you should stick with the plan
and some things, maybe you just have something in your mind
that turns out not to necessarily be true
about hosting a gathering.
Are there things that people tend to believe
about having a successful gathering
that just turn out not to be true?
There's so many myths.
One of them being that you have
to have all your dishes matching,
the fact that all of the dishes have to be porcelain.
No, paper plates are perfectly acceptable,
especially in a larger gathering.
And the fact you have to do it all yourself.
No.
I use the bakery, I use the deli.
I may use the pasta shop for a lasagna, for example,
or even a frozen lasagna.
I will use takeout.
Some of our best parties have been with takeout.
We used to have a large gathering going to a restaurant,
and it just got smaller and smaller groups.
So one day I called someone
and said, why don't we have pizza at the house?
That was a huge success.
The guest brought the pizza and we had a marvelous time.
I also have called a couple of other friends
and said, I'm really looking forward to some Chinese,
but dinner for two isn't nearly as exciting
as dinner for six.
And again, we share the cost, and we have a party.
Guests like to bring food,
and it makes mo so much more sense
than say, a hostess gift.
And potlucks can be so simple and so wonderful.
The other thing, real myth that I find
is entertaining is expensive.
Well, it can be, but it doesn't have to be.
If you give me two cans of chickpeas, a can of tomatoes,
and a little bit of grated, we call it shaky,
Parmesan cheese, I can make a soup
that I have served a company.
The same goes with a good chili.
So there are many myths.
I think we can dispel most of them.
And it helps so much because if there's anything
to just take away from the stress
of putting together a gathering like that
and get you closer to the real purpose of it,
which is just to get together and have fun.
Are there things that are sort of universal
when it comes to hosting a gathering?
Whether you're hosting two people or 50 people,
are there things that you found that really help you
to have a successful time with it all?
Yes and the first thing I'll say,
it goes back to taking the time to think about it
and being organized.
I often think of my event like a recipe.
I know what the outcome is gonna be.
If I'm serving tea and a cookie, I know what the event is,
but I still have to think about it.
Do I have the tea?
Do I have the cookies?
What time is the guest arriving?
Is everything set out, the beverage area,
it's all set out, if we're serving just the coffee,
the creamer, the sugar, the spoon,
so that I'm totally organized.
If I'm having a birthday, for example,
I make sure I have the serviettes and a birthday candle.
If I'm organizing a luncheon,
I'll think about it a couple of days ahead of time.
Groceries, I wanna get those a couple of days ahead of time,
whether I pick them up or someone else picks them up for me.
As we know, Ricky, quite often we end up
having to go back to that grocery store for something
and I make sure I have all the tools.
For example, if we need a corkscrew, I've got the corkscrew.
Oh, I know what I like to do
is have a pile of clean dishcloths and tea towels
for cleanup afterwards.
I do not want a candle on my table or anywhere in my house.
So they're put away and on the center of my table
will be a jug of water,
maybe with a slice or two of lemon in it,
and some glasses around it
so that people can help themselves.
I clear off the tables where we're going to be sitting
so that I can put my things down without a problem
and my guests can put things down without a problem.
If it's a larger gathering,
I use Siri for the timer.
I have a comprehensive schedule of what I'm going to do,
and I probably have the times written down.
As a result, Siri's in my pocket.
That's what I use to expedite that process
and ensure that I'm where I'm supposed to be
when I'm supposed to be there.
I'll set the table a day ahead of time
if we're going to be seated
and wrap the cutlery in some napkins.
For dessert, the dessert plates are in the cupboard
with the pie server and the knife, et cetera.
So all we have to do is open that cupboard.
I'm a great believer in preparing ahead of time.
That's great, yeah.
Just a list of things that you can do
so that you're not rushing around the day of
trying to do things and you are not relaxed,
and so it's probably not gonna be a relaxing gathering.
I love the tip about setting the table
way ahead of time as well,
because you can put things
exactly where you want them to be
without there being guests there,
and you're wondering, you know, where everyone is,
and if you're going to put something down
in a place where there's already something else.
Nope, you've cleared the table, you've got it set.
All of those things make perfect sense
just to do them ahead of time so that you are comfortable.
And I guess speaking of being comfortable,
it can feel really uncomfortable for some of us
to invite people into the home
because there is the situation of,
sometimes people wanna be a little too helpful
when you have low vision or you're blind,
and you have somebody asking if you need help
to find your own kitchen.
And that can be a little disheartening.
So do you have some tips about just staying comfortable,
staying in control of your own space, you're the host,
and at the same time, you know, maybe some help is welcome.
So how do you manage that?
And again, I think that goes back to
being organized
and thinking things through ahead of time,
recognizing what you do need help with, as you said,
and where you really don't want help.
I'm going to include my husband in this
because he gets flustered in the kitchen,
if there's anyone else, including me in that kitchen.
So to have guests invade his space,
it becomes uncomfortable for everybody.
So my job is to ensure that when a guest comes
to the kitchen and says, may I help you?
I either firmly say, no,
please help yourself to a beverage or whatever.
If I need their help, which I often do
with the pre-dinner beverage,
I will designate somebody to do that, please,
and would you mind refreshing the guest's glass?
So they're quite pleased to do that.
And that takes away that responsibility.
The persistent person, I keep a plate of appetizer
just for that occasion.
And I trust it in their hands
and say, would you mind passing this, please?
I will also ask somebody to help me with dessert.
If we go back to that pie, there is no way
I am gonna cut that into eight equal pieces.
I just take everything out of the cupboard,
as I mentioned, it was all there.
I'll either do it in the kitchen
or place it on the table in front of them,
and they're very happy to do that.
So the key here is to designate,
to keep control over the situation with a cheerful smile,
be firm about what, where you do and do not need help.
Again, there's nothing more disheartening
than having someone try and take control
and make you feel like a stranger in your own home.
So having these tips that assure that you stay in control
and also make other people feel useful
because they enjoy that.
So that's perfect.
As we wrap up here, I'm wondering
about kind of the overall purpose of a gathering,
which is to let everyone come in, have a great time,
enjoy each other's company, and it sounds, like,
well, of course that's what you wanna do,
it's maybe not obvious how to go about doing that.
So how can you ensure that you're having a gathering
where there's not this silence
as everyone is clicking their forks on their plates
and it's awkward?
How do you do that?
I think we've talked a lot about food
and place settings, et cetera,
but I think it's a good reminder
that it's not about the food.
It's not about the place setting,
it's totally about the companionship
and having a common interest is the key.
Whether that is the fact
that you're familiar with each other
and you're going to review your history,
storytelling, et cetera,
whether it's something new that you are trying together.
For example, we've had the real success with wine tasting,
we call it food and wine tasting
because there's more emphasis on the food,
which everybody just brings an appetizer of some sort.
And I've since learned
that you can do the same thing with tea.
There are so many wonderful teas out there,
and people could come, and bring their favorite tea,
and people could try that.
The same thing could work with coffee pods,
as a matter of fact, or craft beer, or cheeses.
It's just, your imagination with the tasting.
There's also travel.
And even if you aren't traveling,
you can live vicariously through others who travel.
And I've joined and enjoyed travel log groups.
Everybody has about a half an hour
to present their last trip
or the trip that they're researching.
Also, bird sounds, Babbel,
getting together to learn a new language.
I joined a group where the gentleman
had a lot of learning tapes
and even though I couldn't see the videos,
I could hear them.
And then we talked
about what was in those videos afterwards.
Trivia, that's also a wonderful thing.
I played cards for a long time with large print cards,
and now we have to use electronics for me to play.
And I thought I could turn on my PC,
I could turn on my iPad.
Two people could bring their iPads
and the four of us could play in my home, electronically.
Yeah, as long as everyone is together
and having a great time,
that's what makes a successful gathering.
I love it.
Sharon, I wanna thank you so, so much
for sharing your stories, all of your tips,
and making this sound like a less daunting venture
and actually making it sound like a lot of fun.
Do you have any last thoughts that you wanna share?
Yes.
I've taken a basket of ideas and thrown them out,
and I'm hoping somebody will gather one of them
and be inspired to open their door
and say hello, won't you come on in.
Thank you, I love it.
Thanks so much for joining us.
Thank you, Ricky, for having me here.
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