WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.125 --> 00:00:02.792 (bright music) 2 00:00:03.960 --> 00:00:06.060 Welcome to Hadley Presents. 3 00:00:06.060 --> 00:00:10.800 I'm your host, Ricky Enger, inviting you to sit back, relax, 4 00:00:10.800 --> 00:00:13.830 and enjoy a conversation with the experts. 5 00:00:13.830 --> 00:00:17.580 In this episode, Hadley learner, Sharon Noseworthy, 6 00:00:17.580 --> 00:00:20.310 joins us to share her tips and tricks 7 00:00:20.310 --> 00:00:22.500 for hosting a successful gathering. 8 00:00:22.500 --> 00:00:24.420 Welcome to the show, Sharon. 9 00:00:24.420 --> 00:00:25.350 Thank you, Ricky. 10 00:00:25.350 --> 00:00:28.200 It's a pleasure to be here. Excellent. 11 00:00:28.200 --> 00:00:29.880 I love how this came about. 12 00:00:29.880 --> 00:00:33.120 You were actually taking some Hadley workshops 13 00:00:33.120 --> 00:00:35.790 and giving us great feedback, 14 00:00:35.790 --> 00:00:38.070 and during that process you noticed, 15 00:00:38.070 --> 00:00:40.080 hey, I think something might be missing, 16 00:00:40.080 --> 00:00:42.870 and I can contribute some ideas 17 00:00:42.870 --> 00:00:44.340 if you're all amenable to that. 18 00:00:44.340 --> 00:00:47.820 And certainly, we were just to have the chance 19 00:00:47.820 --> 00:00:50.130 to sit down with you and talk about something 20 00:00:50.130 --> 00:00:54.060 that I know many, many people struggle with. 21 00:00:54.060 --> 00:00:59.010 I do, myself certainly thinking about having people 22 00:00:59.010 --> 00:01:02.460 into my home and making it a relaxing and fun experience. 23 00:01:02.460 --> 00:01:04.980 So I'm so happy that you're here 24 00:01:04.980 --> 00:01:07.110 to share some tips and tricks. 25 00:01:07.110 --> 00:01:09.240 Before we jump into the questions, 26 00:01:09.240 --> 00:01:10.950 why don't we just get a little intro 27 00:01:10.950 --> 00:01:13.950 and tell us a bit about who you are? 28 00:01:13.950 --> 00:01:14.783 Well, I am a lady with low vision who 29 00:01:14.783 --> 00:01:15.616 loved to host. 30 00:01:20.340 --> 00:01:24.420 I was the one who liked to provide the venue 31 00:01:24.420 --> 00:01:25.980 for any type of gathering. 32 00:01:25.980 --> 00:01:27.930 I did all the family gatherings, 33 00:01:27.930 --> 00:01:31.110 and that could be anywhere from five of us 34 00:01:31.110 --> 00:01:33.420 to up to 40 of us. 35 00:01:33.420 --> 00:01:38.420 I lost my vision, or it started to decrease 36 00:01:38.460 --> 00:01:41.040 when I was in my early fifties. 37 00:01:41.040 --> 00:01:46.040 And initially I thought, I can't do this anymore. 38 00:01:46.140 --> 00:01:50.850 But I realized how important it is to our mental health, 39 00:01:50.850 --> 00:01:55.350 our physical health, to socialize with others. 40 00:01:55.350 --> 00:01:58.740 So I found out that I can do it. 41 00:01:58.740 --> 00:02:00.720 I just have to take a little bit more time 42 00:02:00.720 --> 00:02:03.540 and do it in a smarter way. 43 00:02:03.540 --> 00:02:07.080 So when I think about gatherings, 44 00:02:07.080 --> 00:02:12.030 I start to imagine, okay, I have 40 people in my house 45 00:02:12.030 --> 00:02:13.830 and I wish I had a bigger kitchen, 46 00:02:13.830 --> 00:02:16.710 and oh no, there's so much that can go wrong. 47 00:02:16.710 --> 00:02:20.760 And before I've even envisioned 48 00:02:20.760 --> 00:02:23.910 the possibility of doing this, I've talked myself out of it 49 00:02:23.910 --> 00:02:27.150 because it feels so big and so overwhelming, 50 00:02:27.150 --> 00:02:30.480 and I think a lot of people can relate to that. 51 00:02:30.480 --> 00:02:35.010 So rather than throwing everything into the mix 52 00:02:35.010 --> 00:02:38.850 and saying you're going to host a huge dinner party, 53 00:02:38.850 --> 00:02:41.520 is there some way that someone 54 00:02:41.520 --> 00:02:43.620 who really wants to do that socializing, 55 00:02:43.620 --> 00:02:46.980 who wants to bring people into their home, 56 00:02:46.980 --> 00:02:50.640 what's the best way to kind of take that first step 57 00:02:50.640 --> 00:02:52.860 that's not so overwhelming? 58 00:02:52.860 --> 00:02:55.680 First of all, be yourself. 59 00:02:55.680 --> 00:02:58.410 If you are casual, be casual. 60 00:02:58.410 --> 00:03:02.400 If you enjoy something a little bit more formal, like I do, 61 00:03:02.400 --> 00:03:05.370 then do what's comfortable for you. 62 00:03:05.370 --> 00:03:10.370 But the key there is be yourself and start off small. 63 00:03:10.380 --> 00:03:13.260 If you're really nervous, just invite someone in 64 00:03:13.260 --> 00:03:16.440 for a coffee or a tea and a cookie. 65 00:03:16.440 --> 00:03:20.550 And my first tip is put a napkin under those cookies, 66 00:03:20.550 --> 00:03:24.060 on that plate, so they don't slip off. 67 00:03:24.060 --> 00:03:26.700 Once you've invited someone in for a coffee 68 00:03:26.700 --> 00:03:29.280 and that went well, you might invite 69 00:03:29.280 --> 00:03:31.650 two or three others to join you. 70 00:03:31.650 --> 00:03:34.777 Then after that, you might want to go on 71 00:03:34.777 --> 00:03:38.430 to a small lunch with one other person. 72 00:03:38.430 --> 00:03:42.450 Build it up in increments, step by step by step. 73 00:03:42.450 --> 00:03:46.560 And once you feel comfortable, then try something new. 74 00:03:46.560 --> 00:03:49.170 The key to that is planning, 75 00:03:49.170 --> 00:03:52.500 even if it's just a cup of coffee and a cookie, 76 00:03:52.500 --> 00:03:54.120 you have to plan. 77 00:03:54.120 --> 00:03:59.120 Do I have the sugar, the cream, the spoon, the plate, 78 00:03:59.280 --> 00:04:02.010 the bag of cookies, if that's what we're using, 79 00:04:02.010 --> 00:04:06.030 and put everything by the coffee pot or the coffee maker. 80 00:04:06.030 --> 00:04:10.260 I love a coffee maker because I just push a button 81 00:04:10.260 --> 00:04:12.270 and it's all premeasured, 82 00:04:12.270 --> 00:04:15.600 which helps me to feel more comfortable. 83 00:04:15.600 --> 00:04:19.200 So that's what I would say, Ricky, just take it slow. 84 00:04:19.200 --> 00:04:24.200 So when you did this, you had a lot of, 85 00:04:24.390 --> 00:04:26.790 you know, hosting duties under your belt 86 00:04:26.790 --> 00:04:28.530 before you began losing vision, 87 00:04:28.530 --> 00:04:31.860 and then you needed to just jump in 88 00:04:31.860 --> 00:04:33.930 and figure out what worked 89 00:04:33.930 --> 00:04:38.520 so that you could continue doing that thing that you loved. 90 00:04:38.520 --> 00:04:42.030 Do you have some, just stories that you can share 91 00:04:42.030 --> 00:04:44.970 about things that happened when you, 92 00:04:44.970 --> 00:04:47.100 you know, jumped in and figured it out 93 00:04:47.100 --> 00:04:49.740 and maybe things didn't go exactly as planned 94 00:04:49.740 --> 00:04:52.650 or just something that you learned along the way? 95 00:04:52.650 --> 00:04:54.000 I think I'll start off 96 00:04:54.000 --> 00:04:56.790 with something simple like a coaster. 97 00:04:56.790 --> 00:04:58.680 Get rid of the coasters 98 00:04:58.680 --> 00:05:02.490 and use little cocktail napkins instead, 99 00:05:02.490 --> 00:05:05.100 because I found repeatedly, I was putting 100 00:05:05.100 --> 00:05:09.600 my cup on the edge of that and causing myself a problem. 101 00:05:09.600 --> 00:05:11.490 And along those lines, 102 00:05:11.490 --> 00:05:15.330 I couldn't see the plain glass any longer. 103 00:05:15.330 --> 00:05:20.330 So I saw these pretty blue long stemmed wine glasses, 104 00:05:20.640 --> 00:05:23.040 and I bought them and I put them on the table, 105 00:05:23.040 --> 00:05:27.480 and sighted or not, those glasses were not a good idea. 106 00:05:27.480 --> 00:05:30.420 So now I just use a squatty short glass. 107 00:05:30.420 --> 00:05:31.920 It doesn't matter what I give other people. 108 00:05:31.920 --> 00:05:35.550 I have my comfort glass, as I call it. 109 00:05:35.550 --> 00:05:39.780 And I might prefer a red wine to a white wine, 110 00:05:39.780 --> 00:05:43.590 cranberry juice to ginger ale, for example, 111 00:05:43.590 --> 00:05:47.040 so that the glass is more visible. 112 00:05:47.040 --> 00:05:51.480 And along those lines, I'm always looking for my cup. 113 00:05:51.480 --> 00:05:53.400 My friends and I are getting older, 114 00:05:53.400 --> 00:05:54.780 and we tried the trinkets, 115 00:05:54.780 --> 00:05:57.540 but nobody could remember which trinket was theirs. 116 00:05:57.540 --> 00:06:01.830 Now, we've created paper donuts with a slit, 117 00:06:01.830 --> 00:06:04.500 and we put our names on those paper donuts 118 00:06:04.500 --> 00:06:06.990 and put them around the stem of the glass, 119 00:06:06.990 --> 00:06:10.020 and if I lose mine, they can help me find it. 120 00:06:10.020 --> 00:06:13.740 I saw the most beautiful tablecloth 121 00:06:13.740 --> 00:06:16.530 and it had the most beautiful pattern. 122 00:06:16.530 --> 00:06:19.380 So I purchased it and I put it on the table 123 00:06:19.380 --> 00:06:23.160 only to find out that everything blended into that pattern 124 00:06:23.160 --> 00:06:25.000 and I couldn't see a thing. 125 00:06:26.220 --> 00:06:30.300 So now I use a plain polyester cloth 126 00:06:30.300 --> 00:06:32.640 that can be thrown into the washer. 127 00:06:32.640 --> 00:06:35.280 And contrast is good there too. 128 00:06:35.280 --> 00:06:39.270 If the dishes are dark, then light and vice versa. 129 00:06:39.270 --> 00:06:42.780 Oh, I remember once I put the cloth on upside down, 130 00:06:42.780 --> 00:06:45.390 but the guests, they didn't mention it 131 00:06:45.390 --> 00:06:47.640 and I don't even think they noticed. 132 00:06:47.640 --> 00:06:52.347 And I think the funniest one was I had made a plan, 133 00:06:52.347 --> 00:06:54.810 and I didn't stick with my plan. 134 00:06:54.810 --> 00:06:57.990 My plan was dishes in the cupboard, 135 00:06:57.990 --> 00:06:59.760 we'll serve in the kitchen, 136 00:06:59.760 --> 00:07:01.890 and take the dishes to the table. 137 00:07:01.890 --> 00:07:04.770 I didn't stick with the plan, the food got put on the table, 138 00:07:04.770 --> 00:07:07.860 we all sat down and the people stared at me. 139 00:07:07.860 --> 00:07:10.380 Dishes still in the cupboard. (Sharon laughs) 140 00:07:10.380 --> 00:07:13.290 I learned, make a plan and stick with it. 141 00:07:13.290 --> 00:07:16.080 As you're planning one of these things, 142 00:07:16.080 --> 00:07:21.080 it can be easy to maybe get hung up on certain details, 143 00:07:22.260 --> 00:07:24.330 and it turns out that some things 144 00:07:24.330 --> 00:07:25.770 are really, really important 145 00:07:25.770 --> 00:07:28.110 that you should stick with the plan 146 00:07:28.110 --> 00:07:32.430 and some things, maybe you just have something in your mind 147 00:07:32.430 --> 00:07:35.820 that turns out not to necessarily be true 148 00:07:35.820 --> 00:07:37.350 about hosting a gathering. 149 00:07:37.350 --> 00:07:41.190 Are there things that people tend to believe 150 00:07:41.190 --> 00:07:43.920 about having a successful gathering 151 00:07:43.920 --> 00:07:46.590 that just turn out not to be true? 152 00:07:46.590 --> 00:07:48.690 There's so many myths. 153 00:07:48.690 --> 00:07:51.210 One of them being that you have 154 00:07:51.210 --> 00:07:54.180 to have all your dishes matching, 155 00:07:54.180 --> 00:07:57.660 the fact that all of the dishes have to be porcelain. 156 00:07:57.660 --> 00:08:00.990 No, paper plates are perfectly acceptable, 157 00:08:00.990 --> 00:08:04.080 especially in a larger gathering. 158 00:08:04.080 --> 00:08:07.140 And the fact you have to do it all yourself. 159 00:08:07.140 --> 00:08:08.250 No. 160 00:08:08.250 --> 00:08:11.400 I use the bakery, I use the deli. 161 00:08:11.400 --> 00:08:16.400 I may use the pasta shop for a lasagna, for example, 162 00:08:18.150 --> 00:08:20.430 or even a frozen lasagna. 163 00:08:20.430 --> 00:08:21.990 I will use takeout. 164 00:08:21.990 --> 00:08:25.500 Some of our best parties have been with takeout. 165 00:08:25.500 --> 00:08:29.430 We used to have a large gathering going to a restaurant, 166 00:08:29.430 --> 00:08:32.130 and it just got smaller and smaller groups. 167 00:08:32.130 --> 00:08:34.080 So one day I called someone 168 00:08:34.080 --> 00:08:37.470 and said, why don't we have pizza at the house? 169 00:08:37.470 --> 00:08:39.660 That was a huge success. 170 00:08:39.660 --> 00:08:43.620 The guest brought the pizza and we had a marvelous time. 171 00:08:43.620 --> 00:08:46.320 I also have called a couple of other friends 172 00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:50.370 and said, I'm really looking forward to some Chinese, 173 00:08:50.370 --> 00:08:52.740 but dinner for two isn't nearly as exciting 174 00:08:52.740 --> 00:08:54.420 as dinner for six. 175 00:08:54.420 --> 00:08:58.350 And again, we share the cost, and we have a party. 176 00:08:58.350 --> 00:09:01.290 Guests like to bring food, 177 00:09:01.290 --> 00:09:03.180 and it makes mo so much more sense 178 00:09:03.180 --> 00:09:05.490 than say, a hostess gift. 179 00:09:05.490 --> 00:09:09.810 And potlucks can be so simple and so wonderful. 180 00:09:09.810 --> 00:09:12.960 The other thing, real myth that I find 181 00:09:12.960 --> 00:09:16.440 is entertaining is expensive. 182 00:09:16.440 --> 00:09:19.740 Well, it can be, but it doesn't have to be. 183 00:09:19.740 --> 00:09:24.540 If you give me two cans of chickpeas, a can of tomatoes, 184 00:09:24.540 --> 00:09:27.870 and a little bit of grated, we call it shaky, 185 00:09:27.870 --> 00:09:31.050 Parmesan cheese, I can make a soup 186 00:09:31.050 --> 00:09:33.090 that I have served a company. 187 00:09:33.090 --> 00:09:35.370 The same goes with a good chili. 188 00:09:35.370 --> 00:09:38.370 So there are many myths. 189 00:09:38.370 --> 00:09:40.680 I think we can dispel most of them. 190 00:09:40.680 --> 00:09:44.400 And it helps so much because if there's anything 191 00:09:44.400 --> 00:09:47.430 to just take away from the stress 192 00:09:47.430 --> 00:09:49.980 of putting together a gathering like that 193 00:09:49.980 --> 00:09:53.160 and get you closer to the real purpose of it, 194 00:09:53.160 --> 00:09:56.610 which is just to get together and have fun. 195 00:09:56.610 --> 00:10:00.420 Are there things that are sort of universal 196 00:10:00.420 --> 00:10:02.310 when it comes to hosting a gathering? 197 00:10:02.310 --> 00:10:04.830 Whether you're hosting two people or 50 people, 198 00:10:04.830 --> 00:10:09.810 are there things that you found that really help you 199 00:10:09.810 --> 00:10:14.370 to have a successful time with it all? 200 00:10:14.370 --> 00:10:17.460 Yes and the first thing I'll say, 201 00:10:17.460 --> 00:10:21.840 it goes back to taking the time to think about it 202 00:10:21.840 --> 00:10:23.160 and being organized. 203 00:10:23.160 --> 00:10:27.120 I often think of my event like a recipe. 204 00:10:27.120 --> 00:10:29.130 I know what the outcome is gonna be. 205 00:10:29.130 --> 00:10:34.130 If I'm serving tea and a cookie, I know what the event is, 206 00:10:35.730 --> 00:10:38.160 but I still have to think about it. 207 00:10:38.160 --> 00:10:39.480 Do I have the tea? 208 00:10:39.480 --> 00:10:41.700 Do I have the cookies? 209 00:10:41.700 --> 00:10:44.250 What time is the guest arriving? 210 00:10:44.250 --> 00:10:47.820 Is everything set out, the beverage area, 211 00:10:47.820 --> 00:10:51.600 it's all set out, if we're serving just the coffee, 212 00:10:51.600 --> 00:10:53.880 the creamer, the sugar, the spoon, 213 00:10:53.880 --> 00:10:56.943 so that I'm totally organized. 214 00:10:57.810 --> 00:11:01.020 If I'm having a birthday, for example, 215 00:11:01.020 --> 00:11:06.020 I make sure I have the serviettes and a birthday candle. 216 00:11:07.860 --> 00:11:11.070 If I'm organizing a luncheon, 217 00:11:11.070 --> 00:11:14.190 I'll think about it a couple of days ahead of time. 218 00:11:14.190 --> 00:11:19.170 Groceries, I wanna get those a couple of days ahead of time, 219 00:11:19.170 --> 00:11:22.170 whether I pick them up or someone else picks them up for me. 220 00:11:22.170 --> 00:11:24.510 As we know, Ricky, quite often we end up 221 00:11:24.510 --> 00:11:27.900 having to go back to that grocery store for something 222 00:11:27.900 --> 00:11:29.880 and I make sure I have all the tools. 223 00:11:29.880 --> 00:11:34.880 For example, if we need a corkscrew, I've got the corkscrew. 224 00:11:34.890 --> 00:11:36.270 Oh, I know what I like to do 225 00:11:36.270 --> 00:11:41.160 is have a pile of clean dishcloths and tea towels 226 00:11:41.160 --> 00:11:43.589 for cleanup afterwards. 227 00:11:43.589 --> 00:11:48.589 I do not want a candle on my table or anywhere in my house. 228 00:11:49.200 --> 00:11:54.120 So they're put away and on the center of my table 229 00:11:54.120 --> 00:11:56.400 will be a jug of water, 230 00:11:56.400 --> 00:11:59.310 maybe with a slice or two of lemon in it, 231 00:11:59.310 --> 00:12:01.230 and some glasses around it 232 00:12:01.230 --> 00:12:04.320 so that people can help themselves. 233 00:12:04.320 --> 00:12:08.940 I clear off the tables where we're going to be sitting 234 00:12:08.940 --> 00:12:12.060 so that I can put my things down without a problem 235 00:12:12.060 --> 00:12:16.080 and my guests can put things down without a problem. 236 00:12:16.080 --> 00:12:18.390 If it's a larger gathering, 237 00:12:18.390 --> 00:12:22.110 I use Siri for the timer. 238 00:12:22.110 --> 00:12:27.110 I have a comprehensive schedule of what I'm going to do, 239 00:12:28.350 --> 00:12:32.520 and I probably have the times written down. 240 00:12:32.520 --> 00:12:35.670 As a result, Siri's in my pocket. 241 00:12:35.670 --> 00:12:39.420 That's what I use to expedite that process 242 00:12:39.420 --> 00:12:41.490 and ensure that I'm where I'm supposed to be 243 00:12:41.490 --> 00:12:43.620 when I'm supposed to be there. 244 00:12:43.620 --> 00:12:46.080 I'll set the table a day ahead of time 245 00:12:46.080 --> 00:12:47.850 if we're going to be seated 246 00:12:47.850 --> 00:12:52.350 and wrap the cutlery in some napkins. 247 00:12:52.350 --> 00:12:56.190 For dessert, the dessert plates are in the cupboard 248 00:12:56.190 --> 00:13:00.420 with the pie server and the knife, et cetera. 249 00:13:00.420 --> 00:13:03.150 So all we have to do is open that cupboard. 250 00:13:03.150 --> 00:13:06.990 I'm a great believer in preparing ahead of time. 251 00:13:06.990 --> 00:13:08.160 That's great, yeah. 252 00:13:08.160 --> 00:13:11.100 Just a list of things that you can do 253 00:13:11.100 --> 00:13:14.190 so that you're not rushing around the day of 254 00:13:14.190 --> 00:13:17.340 trying to do things and you are not relaxed, 255 00:13:17.340 --> 00:13:20.790 and so it's probably not gonna be a relaxing gathering. 256 00:13:20.790 --> 00:13:23.430 I love the tip about setting the table 257 00:13:23.430 --> 00:13:25.470 way ahead of time as well, 258 00:13:25.470 --> 00:13:26.610 because you can put things 259 00:13:26.610 --> 00:13:29.070 exactly where you want them to be 260 00:13:29.070 --> 00:13:31.830 without there being guests there, 261 00:13:31.830 --> 00:13:35.040 and you're wondering, you know, where everyone is, 262 00:13:35.040 --> 00:13:37.050 and if you're going to put something down 263 00:13:37.050 --> 00:13:39.510 in a place where there's already something else. 264 00:13:39.510 --> 00:13:42.480 Nope, you've cleared the table, you've got it set. 265 00:13:42.480 --> 00:13:45.510 All of those things make perfect sense 266 00:13:45.510 --> 00:13:50.370 just to do them ahead of time so that you are comfortable. 267 00:13:50.370 --> 00:13:53.010 And I guess speaking of being comfortable, 268 00:13:53.010 --> 00:13:57.630 it can feel really uncomfortable for some of us 269 00:13:57.630 --> 00:14:02.070 to invite people into the home 270 00:14:02.070 --> 00:14:06.900 because there is the situation of, 271 00:14:06.900 --> 00:14:10.290 sometimes people wanna be a little too helpful 272 00:14:10.290 --> 00:14:13.500 when you have low vision or you're blind, 273 00:14:13.500 --> 00:14:16.680 and you have somebody asking if you need help 274 00:14:16.680 --> 00:14:17.970 to find your own kitchen. 275 00:14:17.970 --> 00:14:20.850 And that can be a little disheartening. 276 00:14:20.850 --> 00:14:25.850 So do you have some tips about just staying comfortable, 277 00:14:27.090 --> 00:14:30.750 staying in control of your own space, you're the host, 278 00:14:30.750 --> 00:14:34.560 and at the same time, you know, maybe some help is welcome. 279 00:14:34.560 --> 00:14:36.420 So how do you manage that? 280 00:14:36.420 --> 00:14:37.253 And again, I think that goes back to 281 00:14:37.253 --> 00:14:38.086 being organized 282 00:14:39.840 --> 00:14:42.750 and thinking things through ahead of time, 283 00:14:42.750 --> 00:14:46.440 recognizing what you do need help with, as you said, 284 00:14:46.440 --> 00:14:49.203 and where you really don't want help. 285 00:14:50.100 --> 00:14:52.200 I'm going to include my husband in this 286 00:14:52.200 --> 00:14:55.470 because he gets flustered in the kitchen, 287 00:14:55.470 --> 00:14:59.340 if there's anyone else, including me in that kitchen. 288 00:14:59.340 --> 00:15:02.970 So to have guests invade his space, 289 00:15:02.970 --> 00:15:05.580 it becomes uncomfortable for everybody. 290 00:15:05.580 --> 00:15:10.200 So my job is to ensure that when a guest comes 291 00:15:10.200 --> 00:15:12.780 to the kitchen and says, may I help you? 292 00:15:12.780 --> 00:15:14.850 I either firmly say, no, 293 00:15:14.850 --> 00:15:18.900 please help yourself to a beverage or whatever. 294 00:15:18.900 --> 00:15:21.990 If I need their help, which I often do 295 00:15:21.990 --> 00:15:24.510 with the pre-dinner beverage, 296 00:15:24.510 --> 00:15:27.420 I will designate somebody to do that, please, 297 00:15:27.420 --> 00:15:31.530 and would you mind refreshing the guest's glass? 298 00:15:31.530 --> 00:15:33.810 So they're quite pleased to do that. 299 00:15:33.810 --> 00:15:37.110 And that takes away that responsibility. 300 00:15:37.110 --> 00:15:40.860 The persistent person, I keep a plate of appetizer 301 00:15:40.860 --> 00:15:42.600 just for that occasion. 302 00:15:42.600 --> 00:15:44.850 And I trust it in their hands 303 00:15:44.850 --> 00:15:48.150 and say, would you mind passing this, please? 304 00:15:48.150 --> 00:15:51.510 I will also ask somebody to help me with dessert. 305 00:15:51.510 --> 00:15:54.600 If we go back to that pie, there is no way 306 00:15:54.600 --> 00:15:57.660 I am gonna cut that into eight equal pieces. 307 00:15:57.660 --> 00:16:00.000 I just take everything out of the cupboard, 308 00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:01.980 as I mentioned, it was all there. 309 00:16:01.980 --> 00:16:03.420 I'll either do it in the kitchen 310 00:16:03.420 --> 00:16:06.360 or place it on the table in front of them, 311 00:16:06.360 --> 00:16:09.120 and they're very happy to do that. 312 00:16:09.120 --> 00:16:12.930 So the key here is to designate, 313 00:16:12.930 --> 00:16:17.640 to keep control over the situation with a cheerful smile, 314 00:16:17.640 --> 00:16:22.470 be firm about what, where you do and do not need help. 315 00:16:22.470 --> 00:16:25.650 Again, there's nothing more disheartening 316 00:16:25.650 --> 00:16:28.470 than having someone try and take control 317 00:16:28.470 --> 00:16:31.890 and make you feel like a stranger in your own home. 318 00:16:31.890 --> 00:16:36.510 So having these tips that assure that you stay in control 319 00:16:36.510 --> 00:16:38.940 and also make other people feel useful 320 00:16:38.940 --> 00:16:40.230 because they enjoy that. 321 00:16:40.230 --> 00:16:42.840 So that's perfect. 322 00:16:42.840 --> 00:16:46.440 As we wrap up here, I'm wondering 323 00:16:46.440 --> 00:16:49.770 about kind of the overall purpose of a gathering, 324 00:16:49.770 --> 00:16:54.570 which is to let everyone come in, have a great time, 325 00:16:54.570 --> 00:16:58.410 enjoy each other's company, and it sounds, like, 326 00:16:58.410 --> 00:17:00.570 well, of course that's what you wanna do, 327 00:17:00.570 --> 00:17:05.490 it's maybe not obvious how to go about doing that. 328 00:17:05.490 --> 00:17:08.850 So how can you ensure that you're having a gathering 329 00:17:08.850 --> 00:17:11.880 where there's not this silence 330 00:17:11.880 --> 00:17:14.730 as everyone is clicking their forks on their plates 331 00:17:14.730 --> 00:17:16.590 and it's awkward? 332 00:17:16.590 --> 00:17:17.730 How do you do that? 333 00:17:17.730 --> 00:17:19.830 I think we've talked a lot about food 334 00:17:19.830 --> 00:17:21.690 and place settings, et cetera, 335 00:17:21.690 --> 00:17:24.030 but I think it's a good reminder 336 00:17:24.030 --> 00:17:25.860 that it's not about the food. 337 00:17:25.860 --> 00:17:27.390 It's not about the place setting, 338 00:17:27.390 --> 00:17:30.330 it's totally about the companionship 339 00:17:30.330 --> 00:17:35.010 and having a common interest is the key. 340 00:17:35.010 --> 00:17:36.540 Whether that is the fact 341 00:17:36.540 --> 00:17:38.190 that you're familiar with each other 342 00:17:38.190 --> 00:17:40.170 and you're going to review your history, 343 00:17:40.170 --> 00:17:42.450 storytelling, et cetera, 344 00:17:42.450 --> 00:17:47.450 whether it's something new that you are trying together. 345 00:17:48.120 --> 00:17:53.120 For example, we've had the real success with wine tasting, 346 00:17:53.730 --> 00:17:56.603 we call it food and wine tasting 347 00:17:56.603 --> 00:17:59.550 because there's more emphasis on the food, 348 00:17:59.550 --> 00:18:04.110 which everybody just brings an appetizer of some sort. 349 00:18:04.110 --> 00:18:05.820 And I've since learned 350 00:18:05.820 --> 00:18:09.300 that you can do the same thing with tea. 351 00:18:09.300 --> 00:18:12.420 There are so many wonderful teas out there, 352 00:18:12.420 --> 00:18:17.220 and people could come, and bring their favorite tea, 353 00:18:17.220 --> 00:18:18.720 and people could try that. 354 00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:20.850 The same thing could work with coffee pods, 355 00:18:20.850 --> 00:18:25.850 as a matter of fact, or craft beer, or cheeses. 356 00:18:25.890 --> 00:18:29.520 It's just, your imagination with the tasting. 357 00:18:29.520 --> 00:18:31.980 There's also travel. 358 00:18:31.980 --> 00:18:33.750 And even if you aren't traveling, 359 00:18:33.750 --> 00:18:36.690 you can live vicariously through others who travel. 360 00:18:36.690 --> 00:18:41.690 And I've joined and enjoyed travel log groups. 361 00:18:41.850 --> 00:18:43.620 Everybody has about a half an hour 362 00:18:43.620 --> 00:18:45.600 to present their last trip 363 00:18:45.600 --> 00:18:48.240 or the trip that they're researching. 364 00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:52.230 Also, bird sounds, Babbel, 365 00:18:52.230 --> 00:18:56.070 getting together to learn a new language. 366 00:18:56.070 --> 00:18:58.650 I joined a group where the gentleman 367 00:18:58.650 --> 00:19:01.320 had a lot of learning tapes 368 00:19:01.320 --> 00:19:03.360 and even though I couldn't see the videos, 369 00:19:03.360 --> 00:19:04.410 I could hear them. 370 00:19:04.410 --> 00:19:05.520 And then we talked 371 00:19:05.520 --> 00:19:09.030 about what was in those videos afterwards. 372 00:19:09.030 --> 00:19:12.750 Trivia, that's also a wonderful thing. 373 00:19:12.750 --> 00:19:17.750 I played cards for a long time with large print cards, 374 00:19:18.570 --> 00:19:23.570 and now we have to use electronics for me to play. 375 00:19:24.300 --> 00:19:27.030 And I thought I could turn on my PC, 376 00:19:27.030 --> 00:19:28.650 I could turn on my iPad. 377 00:19:28.650 --> 00:19:30.720 Two people could bring their iPads 378 00:19:30.720 --> 00:19:35.370 and the four of us could play in my home, electronically. 379 00:19:35.370 --> 00:19:38.880 Yeah, as long as everyone is together 380 00:19:38.880 --> 00:19:40.800 and having a great time, 381 00:19:40.800 --> 00:19:43.350 that's what makes a successful gathering. 382 00:19:43.350 --> 00:19:44.580 I love it. 383 00:19:44.580 --> 00:19:47.040 Sharon, I wanna thank you so, so much 384 00:19:47.040 --> 00:19:50.940 for sharing your stories, all of your tips, 385 00:19:50.940 --> 00:19:55.940 and making this sound like a less daunting venture 386 00:19:56.340 --> 00:20:00.990 and actually making it sound like a lot of fun. 387 00:20:00.990 --> 00:20:03.960 Do you have any last thoughts that you wanna share? 388 00:20:03.960 --> 00:20:04.890 Yes. 389 00:20:04.890 --> 00:20:08.190 I've taken a basket of ideas and thrown them out, 390 00:20:08.190 --> 00:20:11.850 and I'm hoping somebody will gather one of them 391 00:20:11.850 --> 00:20:14.700 and be inspired to open their door 392 00:20:14.700 --> 00:20:18.390 and say hello, won't you come on in. 393 00:20:18.390 --> 00:20:20.010 Thank you, I love it. 394 00:20:20.010 --> 00:20:22.080 Thanks so much for joining us. 395 00:20:22.080 --> 00:20:24.243 Thank you, Ricky, for having me here. 396 00:20:25.260 --> 00:20:26.790 Got something to say? 397 00:20:26.790 --> 00:20:29.910 Share your thoughts about this episode of Hadley Presents, 398 00:20:29.910 --> 00:20:32.460 or make suggestions for future episodes. 399 00:20:32.460 --> 00:20:34.080 We'd love to hear from you. 400 00:20:34.080 --> 00:20:38.370 Send us an email @podcastathadley.edu. 401 00:20:38.370 --> 00:20:43.370 That's P-O-D-C-A-S-T @hadley.edu. 402 00:20:43.650 --> 00:20:46.627 Or leave us a message at 847 784 2870. 403 00:20:50.010 --> 00:20:51.153 Thanks for listening.