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When dealing with any
challenge, including vision loss,
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humor can be an essential
tool in the toolbox.
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But what if you're struggling
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to find anything funny in your situation?
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In this episode, John Hewitt
joins us as we discuss ways
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to develop and use humor
in reframing challenges.
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I'm Ricky Enger, and this
is Hadley Presents.
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Welcome to the show, John.
So great to have you.
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Great to be had.
Yes, indeed.
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So we are going to have lots of fun.
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One would hope so, in an
episode, talking about humor,
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it really is awesome to have you here.
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We kind of discovered you
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because you wrote an email in response
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to a previous podcast,
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and we like nothing better
than feedback and flattery.
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So we reached out to you after that
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and just had a great conversation.
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But since our listeners weren't
involved in that part of it,
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why don't you tell everyone a
little bit about who you are
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and just a bit of background.
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So yeah, I, I lost my vision
in my right eye at the end
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of 2023,
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and was fortunate enough to be
able to retire at that point.
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And the doctors at Vanderbilt
did all these MRI scans
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and everything, figure
out what's going on.
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And they said, well, the good
news is you, you have kind
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of a brain and there's no brain
tumor or anything going on.
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But the bad news is we don't know why.
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Your optic nerve decided that it was time
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to retire in your right eye.
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So your vision in your
left eye could pla a day
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or it could either the rest of your life.
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We have no idea. So I decided to retire,
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and then the vision in
my left eye went out
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in January of 2025.
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For the most part, I still
have some light perception in
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that eye that helps me get
around the neighborhood.
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Like I can see the street
different from the ground
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and I use my cane to catch the curb.
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But I found that my sense of humor
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that develops over my lifetime
really came in handy with
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what was going on with
me, with losing my vision.
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I was started out with youth ministry
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when I was young that their
motto was, it's a sinbo kid.
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And boy, we were, we were
really good at not boring kids.
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One of my first jobs was working in Anne
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Rental County, Maryland.
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Shout out to Minneapolis folks out there.
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But working at going out
into elementary schools
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and high schools and
talking about, you know,
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drugs are serious issue.
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What they do to families, what they do
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to our lives are serious.
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But the, the point about
humor is that it's not
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that blindness is funny
or disabilities are funny,
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but we're funny being human.
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The human condition is ripe for humor.
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And what I found is that when
I would introduce things,
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you know, I, I was willing to
be silly and funny with kids
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and they really appreciate it.
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Like I did these high school
assemblies about drugs.
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You can imagine they're so
excited to hear your perspective.
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Well, tell me old man, what do you have
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to say to us children?
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You know? But I would
start out just making fun
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of drug prevention speakers in general.
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And it went over really well.
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And I used a lot of stories
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that were funny at first and pretty gross.
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You know, speaking to kids,
you better have some gross,
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especially high school kids.
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'cause they remember that.
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And even in my work
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for the Crisis Intervention
center here in town,
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I was the outreach
director for a couple years
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and I had to do a lot of
suicide prevention talks.
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And like, well man, you
can't you be funny with that.
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Well, you know, suicide,
you're talking about emotions.
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And I have a great story about emotions
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that I would lead with that.
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You know what, I'm gonna
treat you to that right now.
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So Ricky, did you ever
experience the movie Titanic?
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Yes.
Okay.
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So back in the day, I went
to see the movie Titanic
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with More because my wife wanted to go
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and I especially wanted to support her
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'cause she's a nurse, hospice nurse,
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oncology nurse, all the things.
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And I thought, I better go to this movie
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just to be there for her.
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'cause this is gonna melt her.
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I mean, this is an emotional, you know,
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I'm gonna be there to support her.
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But I thought told myself,
you know, I'm a man now.
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I'm going to this movie.
And as a man, I can't, what
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You can't cry.
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You can't show emotion. That's
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Right Rick.
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No crying, no cry.
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You gotta support the man card,
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the brand, you gotta support the brand.
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All those things. So I told
myself I wasn't gonna cry then
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in the movie and the ship goes
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down, you know what's gonna happen.
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But then they put these
little scenes in there,
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they put a scene where
an older man and woman
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or plus each other as the
water's rising in the room.
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I'm like, whew. Right.
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And that got me a little bit,
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there were some unidentified moisture,
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a UMO an an unidentified
moisture object in my left eye
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that I wiped away real quick.
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And I did the flexing. I flexed my
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packs, did the deep breath.
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Okay, I'm good, I'm good.
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And then there's another
scene in which there's a lady
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putting her baby to sleep
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as the water's rising in the
room and you're like, holy.
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'cause I had two young
daughters at the time,
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Then I had unidentified moisture
coming out of both eyes.
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And that took a lot of
work to get over that.
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But I stabilized. I was okay.
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I didn't look at my wife
just looking at her.
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And that scene would've
just, you know, made her cry.
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And controllably, I'm sure.
But I, you know, focused.
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I'm good, I'm back. I'm strong.
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And then there's a scene
on the outside of the boat
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where a man takes a little girl
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and he puts her in the
boat to be with her mother.
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And the little girl looks up at the mom
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and goes, mommy, how come
daddy's not getting in the boat?
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And that father looks,
he goes, oh sweetheart,
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there's another boat for daddy.
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That was it. It was over. I was sobbing.
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I mean, sobbing like a
real man, just buckets,
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you know, water coming out.
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And I actually yelled at
the screen, you're a liar.
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There is no other vote for
daddies. And I'm a wreck.
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And I was like that.
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And I thought, you know, my poor wife,
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she must be on the floor.
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Oh my. You know, she's so
empathetic. She's so caring.
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She's, she's out.
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It's like, I'm like, yeah,
I better check in on her.
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I look over at her and
she's not doing anything.
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She's, she's fine. She's,
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She's not crying.
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She, she looks at me,
she does a double take.
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And she goes, why are you crying?
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And I'm like, why are you
crying? And then she goes,
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very matter of factly.
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She goes, well, you know, if that's me,
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I'm on the light boat, I'm fine.
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I'm okay. Oh my word.
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But I would always, I'd
tell that story, Dawn
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and everybody would laugh and they get it.
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And it was a great opening
to how we deal with emotions.
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But I found that laughter, humor in
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that moment really helped
people get to that point.
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It's a tool you can use
in different situations.
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Yes. And that's a question
that I had actually was
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we think about laughing
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and it's like, oh yeah,
laughter's the best medicine.
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We always hear that. And just
like, yeah, it feels good.
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And I don't think we really stop
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to consider any deeper than that.
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But I think laughter does serve a lot
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of different purposes, right?
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Humor can be used in
so many different ways.
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And I think one of those is
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to help you tap into emotions that
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otherwise you're just
not gonna open that door.
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Right. So are there other
things that humor can do
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that can help in these situations?
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Oh, absolutely.
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I've got so many stories, you know,
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where humor just reframed a situation.
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I was a hospice volunteer
coordinator for a while,
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and I'll never forget walking
out of a patient's room
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with a, with a new volunteer that just,
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and she we're walking down
the hallway, she stopped me.
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She goes, Hey, are,
are we supposed to have
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that much fun with people?
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And Ricky, I, I stopped in the hallway
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and I'm like, well, you know,
it just was so natural to me.
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This is what you do. You go
in, you chat somebody up,
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you're, you're not of their family member.
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You, you don't know them that well.
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And they, lemme tell you, 99%
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of hospice patients do
not want you to be sad
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and somber when you walk in the room.
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There's enough of that going around.
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They want you to treat 'em
just like a regular person.
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And most people, if you come to visit me,
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I want you to be fun.
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Right?
Right. I want you to lift my spirits.
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You don't have to be miss
Mrs. Comedian or whatever.
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I don't expect that.
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But, and here's the thing about the humor.
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You know, the funniest
thing in the world is you.
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And if you can get your
own ego out of the way
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and be willing to let someone
chuckle at you a little bit,
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tell a little funny story about yourself.
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I got lost on the way over here.
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I, whatever the thing is, right?
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If we can get our own ego outta
the way, it's so powerful.
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'cause it helps other people
and it really helps ourselves.
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And what I had learned is I had
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to teach my hospice volunteers
how to use that, how
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to flex that sense of humor.
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And again, not developing
into a comedian or anything,
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but just learning what was
ironic, what was funny,
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going back to the medical
folks, I asked this nurse,
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I could just tell she had full of life
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and I knew she had used some
humor with people to help 'em.
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And she was working for
a radiation oncologist,
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and radiation therapy's tough.
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So she told me, oh, John, I, I
did this thing the other day.
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People had come into the waiting room
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and this one lady, especially
that she knew was kind
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of down, but, you know,
more so than usual.
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And so this nurse Tara,
she's just, oh honey,
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how are you doing today?
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Now she's shouting across a waiting room
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with like 30 people in it.
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You know, this lady sits
down at the far end,
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the lady just looks down and
says, you really wanna know?
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And Tara goes, oh sweetheart. Yes honey.
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Oh, please, please tell me.
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And the lady goes, I
just want to have sex.
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And Tara falls a beach.
She just goes with me.
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And Tara said, oh, John, the place just
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erupted in laughter.
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Oh, you, there's 30 people in there.
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The patient's laughing, I'm
laughing, everybody's laughing.
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The doctor actually came out
to see what was going on.
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You know, era helping that lady laugh.
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It did not change her treatment regimen.
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It didn't change her prognosis,
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but as sure as heck changed the window out
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of which she was looking that day.
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Right. It reframed.
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And actually, you know, I looked this up.
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Some therapists use
humor, especially as part
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of the cognitive behavioral therapy
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to help patients reframe situations.
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00:10:16.230 --> 00:10:18.270
They, they keep a humor journal kind
249
00:10:18.270 --> 00:10:19.410
of lifting their spirits,
250
00:10:19.410 --> 00:10:21.000
and it reframes, it gets 'em around some
251
00:10:21.000 --> 00:10:22.470
of the negative thinking that they do.
252
00:10:22.470 --> 00:10:24.810
Or if they're anxious or
depressed about a certain
253
00:10:24.810 --> 00:10:27.510
situation, they're
worried about an outcome.
254
00:10:27.510 --> 00:10:31.080
What the therapists 'em do is
just take that to the extreme,
255
00:10:31.080 --> 00:10:32.400
you know, you're worried about a thing
256
00:10:32.400 --> 00:10:35.940
and then, okay, the world's
gonna, you know, juxtaposition.
257
00:10:35.940 --> 00:10:38.130
And that's, that's the thing about humor.
258
00:10:38.130 --> 00:10:40.770
And I realized that to someone like me,
259
00:10:40.770 --> 00:10:42.900
irony just comes naturally.
260
00:10:42.900 --> 00:10:45.300
When I was sighted, I did a
lot of hiking, backpacking,
261
00:10:45.300 --> 00:10:48.420
and you'd come across like a
sign that said, scenic view.
262
00:10:50.040 --> 00:10:51.195
What does that mean?
Right?
263
00:10:51.195 --> 00:10:54.510
If you can read the sign,
do you not know it's scenic?
264
00:10:54.510 --> 00:10:56.430
I mean, for you to tell me it's scenic,
265
00:10:56.430 --> 00:10:57.600
you know, I'm gonna decide.
266
00:10:57.600 --> 00:11:00.210
You know, I just thought
that was, that was crazy.
267
00:11:00.210 --> 00:11:03.780
And I thought two things. One,
boy, there's a lot of people
268
00:11:03.780 --> 00:11:05.790
that need to develop their sense of irony.
269
00:11:05.790 --> 00:11:08.250
The second thing is, there may
have been people that thought
270
00:11:08.250 --> 00:11:12.510
that was funny, but they
did not choose to use it.
271
00:11:12.510 --> 00:11:15.540
You think that's because like you have
272
00:11:15.540 --> 00:11:17.820
to approach certain
things with, okay, I have
273
00:11:17.820 --> 00:11:20.010
to put my serious face on.
274
00:11:20.010 --> 00:11:21.750
Do we do that too often?
275
00:11:22.680 --> 00:11:23.760
Yes, I think we do.
276
00:11:23.760 --> 00:11:24.930
'cause we presuppose
277
00:11:24.930 --> 00:11:26.850
that it's not appropriate
in this situation.
278
00:11:26.850 --> 00:11:28.230
Now, there are, obviously,
279
00:11:28.230 --> 00:11:29.670
there are situations in which it's,
280
00:11:29.670 --> 00:11:32.760
which it's not appropriate,
you know, humor when it's used
281
00:11:32.760 --> 00:11:35.730
to deflect the emotional
things that you have to get to.
282
00:11:35.730 --> 00:11:37.680
Like, I've had some people
in the buying community,
283
00:11:37.680 --> 00:11:41.040
you know, John, I, you use a
lot of humor about being blind.
284
00:11:41.040 --> 00:11:43.530
You tell all these funny stories
about things that happened
285
00:11:43.530 --> 00:11:44.550
to you being blind
286
00:11:44.550 --> 00:11:47.640
and re people's reactions to
you and that kind of thing.
287
00:11:47.640 --> 00:11:50.640
But are you appropriately
grieving? And I said, oh, yeah.
288
00:11:50.640 --> 00:11:52.530
Oh, buddy, I, you know,
that's the side of me.
289
00:11:52.530 --> 00:11:54.490
You don't see though, unless you ask me.
290
00:11:54.490 --> 00:11:57.580
You know, like the first time
I'm sitting down at dinner
291
00:11:57.580 --> 00:12:00.340
with my family, with my
daughters and my granddaughter
292
00:12:00.340 --> 00:12:02.650
and my son-in-laws, and I realized
293
00:12:02.650 --> 00:12:04.510
I'll never see their faces again.
294
00:12:04.510 --> 00:12:06.490
Now that, that hit me hard.
295
00:12:06.490 --> 00:12:07.960
But I didn't react right away
296
00:12:07.960 --> 00:12:10.060
until later when I sat down in bed, I,
297
00:12:10.060 --> 00:12:13.210
I had me a good cry about all
the things that I'm grieving.
298
00:12:13.210 --> 00:12:15.790
So it, you know, humor's
not meant to deflect
299
00:12:15.790 --> 00:12:20.620
that there is a tool sometimes
to be used to help you.
300
00:12:20.620 --> 00:12:23.230
And in the blind world,
it's just really powerful,
301
00:12:23.230 --> 00:12:24.760
really powerful tool.
302
00:12:24.760 --> 00:12:26.950
For example, you know
what happens to me a lot
303
00:12:26.950 --> 00:12:29.890
of times being blind,
is that people grab me.
304
00:12:29.890 --> 00:12:32.350
I mean, we've all had
this experience, right?
305
00:12:32.350 --> 00:12:33.640
Oh yeah. Too many times,
306
00:12:33.640 --> 00:12:34.640
Right?
307
00:12:34.640 --> 00:12:35.473
People grab you, you know,
308
00:12:35.473 --> 00:12:38.290
I'm walking down the hallway
at the Y and somebody grabs me.
309
00:12:38.290 --> 00:12:40.360
And you have to be careful how you react
310
00:12:40.360 --> 00:12:42.250
because they want to help you, right?
311
00:12:42.250 --> 00:12:43.870
And so might be a thing
312
00:12:43.870 --> 00:12:45.610
where you can engage 'em in conversation.
313
00:12:45.610 --> 00:12:48.730
Now, what I do when somebody
grabs me like that, instead
314
00:12:48.730 --> 00:12:50.590
of pushing away or making it clear
315
00:12:50.590 --> 00:12:52.910
that they have really overstepped
the bounds, I go, Hey,
316
00:12:52.910 --> 00:12:55.270
hey, hey, this show's not free baby.
317
00:12:55.270 --> 00:12:56.980
What are we doing here? You know? Right.
318
00:12:56.980 --> 00:12:58.600
They oh, oh, they laugh
319
00:12:58.600 --> 00:13:00.820
and you, you, you can talk to
'em about the appropriate ways
320
00:13:00.820 --> 00:13:03.340
to interact and it diffuses the situation.
321
00:13:03.340 --> 00:13:06.640
It really helps to use humor
in a lot of those situations
322
00:13:06.640 --> 00:13:10.720
to help us, again, like I
say, diffuse, but also teach.
323
00:13:10.720 --> 00:13:14.230
Yeah, it's a great point.
Put, put people at ease.
324
00:13:14.230 --> 00:13:16.720
You know, if they're
uncomfortable with you
325
00:13:16.720 --> 00:13:19.210
and you show that you can laugh,
326
00:13:19.210 --> 00:13:23.200
then it helps open the
door to that emotion.
327
00:13:23.200 --> 00:13:27.550
Okay, now we can relate as opposed to,
328
00:13:27.550 --> 00:13:29.530
I don't know anything about you
329
00:13:29.530 --> 00:13:31.390
and I'm feeling very uncomfortable
330
00:13:31.390 --> 00:13:33.940
and I'm afraid I'm going
to say something wrong.
331
00:13:33.940 --> 00:13:35.260
Yes. And,
332
00:13:35.260 --> 00:13:37.510
and in our own journey, you know, some
333
00:13:37.510 --> 00:13:39.310
think about all the
things that keep us blind.
334
00:13:39.310 --> 00:13:41.980
People from living a life we wanna live.
335
00:13:43.030 --> 00:13:45.010
A lot of times it's our own ego.
336
00:13:45.010 --> 00:13:47.020
They don't wanna identify
as bond. What's that about?
337
00:13:47.020 --> 00:13:49.960
What's about ego? That if
you can laugh at that ego,
338
00:13:49.960 --> 00:13:52.690
if you can get that stupid
thing out of the way, you know,
339
00:13:52.690 --> 00:13:54.790
in my own, and the thing is, the,
340
00:13:54.790 --> 00:13:57.310
the ironic thing is I
don't employ that sense.
341
00:13:57.310 --> 00:13:58.990
If you were myself, often enough,
342
00:13:58.990 --> 00:14:01.780
so many times I'll get mad
at something if I could just
343
00:14:01.780 --> 00:14:03.190
take, take a step back.
344
00:14:03.190 --> 00:14:05.080
Who do you think you
are? You think you don't
345
00:14:05.080 --> 00:14:06.275
have to work at this.
346
00:14:06.275 --> 00:14:07.625
Right? Right.
347
00:14:07.625 --> 00:14:11.230
I, I remember I was my
first big blind meeting
348
00:14:11.230 --> 00:14:12.910
with the National
Federation of Blind here,
349
00:14:12.910 --> 00:14:14.530
here in Middle Tennessee.
350
00:14:14.530 --> 00:14:17.230
You know, a driver picked me
up and got me into the meeting
351
00:14:17.230 --> 00:14:18.670
and sat me down.
352
00:14:18.670 --> 00:14:21.070
And he wasn't gonna come
pick me up until about 10,
353
00:14:21.070 --> 00:14:22.810
15 minutes after the meeting's over
354
00:14:22.810 --> 00:14:25.000
because I wanted to talk to
some people, the meeting's over.
355
00:14:25.000 --> 00:14:26.590
And I'm sitting there thinking, they don't
356
00:14:26.590 --> 00:14:28.090
know I wanna talk to them.
357
00:14:28.090 --> 00:14:29.740
What am I gonna do? I, I was like, oh,
358
00:14:29.740 --> 00:14:30.850
I'm gonna have to get up and yell.
359
00:14:30.850 --> 00:14:32.830
How else would they know? That's awkward?
360
00:14:32.830 --> 00:14:34.870
Well, you know, I'm thinking,
well, I don't want to be seen.
361
00:14:34.870 --> 00:14:37.330
I'm like, dude, you're with
a bunch of blind people.
362
00:14:37.330 --> 00:14:39.640
They are not gonna freaking care. Right?
363
00:14:39.640 --> 00:14:41.890
So, but it was awkward. I
had to think it through.
364
00:14:41.890 --> 00:14:44.650
I'm, who am I arguing with?
I'm arguing with myself, right?
365
00:14:44.650 --> 00:14:47.860
That's, so I get up and I go, James
366
00:14:47.860 --> 00:14:49.750
and somebody over there,
367
00:14:49.750 --> 00:14:51.410
and James comes to the sound of my voice.
368
00:14:51.410 --> 00:14:53.360
And then I realized I gotta whack up.
369
00:14:53.360 --> 00:14:55.280
You know, I have one of
those titanium canes.
370
00:14:55.280 --> 00:14:57.020
'cause I can put my
weight on it, it's great.
371
00:14:57.020 --> 00:15:00.110
And so I'm, you know, whacking
people, whacking the desk.
372
00:15:00.110 --> 00:15:02.480
And you know, my wife said
the first time she came to one
373
00:15:02.480 --> 00:15:03.800
of those meetings, she goes, oh my God,
374
00:15:03.800 --> 00:15:05.120
you blind people are so funny.
375
00:15:05.120 --> 00:15:06.410
You're just running into each other.
376
00:15:06.410 --> 00:15:08.000
And everybody's laughing and
377
00:15:08.000 --> 00:15:10.490
Absolutely
Right because we're all doing it.
378
00:15:10.490 --> 00:15:13.790
And I said, but to get to that
point where you're free to do
379
00:15:13.790 --> 00:15:16.550
that, you know, you have
to laugh at yourself.
380
00:15:16.550 --> 00:15:19.880
The first time I used
be My Eyes, I was, I was
381
00:15:19.880 --> 00:15:22.100
getting my hiking shoes in
the garage, couldn't find 'em.
382
00:15:22.100 --> 00:15:24.290
I'm like, dude, you're not
gonna find 'em with your,
383
00:15:24.290 --> 00:15:27.080
you know, with your cane
call, be my eyes volunteer.
384
00:15:27.080 --> 00:15:28.310
And then I'm arguing
385
00:15:28.310 --> 00:15:29.780
with myself, oh, I don't want to do that.
386
00:15:29.780 --> 00:15:30.710
Why didn't you wanna do that?
387
00:15:30.710 --> 00:15:32.060
Well, I don't wanna bother somebody.
388
00:15:32.060 --> 00:15:33.950
Why don't you wanna bother
somebody? This is what they do.
389
00:15:33.950 --> 00:15:36.260
They signed up for this.
What's happening here?
390
00:15:36.260 --> 00:15:39.560
It is my own ego. I didn't
wanna admit I needed some help,
391
00:15:39.560 --> 00:15:41.210
but I sat down and thought about it later.
392
00:15:41.210 --> 00:15:44.360
It's like, why was I so
reluctant to do that?
393
00:15:44.360 --> 00:15:47.180
And it's because, well,
I'm projecting my own
394
00:15:48.020 --> 00:15:49.730
ego into that moment.
395
00:15:49.730 --> 00:15:53.390
You know, my own identity is
at stake here. And why is that?
396
00:15:53.390 --> 00:15:56.540
So humor can really help
you reflect on some pretty,
397
00:15:56.540 --> 00:15:57.920
pretty interesting things
398
00:15:57.920 --> 00:16:00.830
that will help change the way you frame
399
00:16:00.830 --> 00:16:02.720
what you're doing and how you're doing it.
400
00:16:02.720 --> 00:16:03.770
And also Ricky
401
00:16:03.770 --> 00:16:07.370
and our world, just as a
general sense, the more
402
00:16:07.370 --> 00:16:09.500
that you can learn to laugh
at some of these things
403
00:16:09.500 --> 00:16:12.170
and develop your sense of
irony, the more you can do that,
404
00:16:12.170 --> 00:16:14.270
the more fun you are to be around.
405
00:16:14.270 --> 00:16:16.250
I can't emphasize that enough.
406
00:16:16.250 --> 00:16:19.640
So how can you do
that for people like us?
407
00:16:19.640 --> 00:16:21.170
When I'm happy I laugh.
408
00:16:21.170 --> 00:16:24.470
When I'm upset, I'm trying
to laugh and deflect.
409
00:16:24.470 --> 00:16:28.280
When I am annoyed, I try to
find something to laugh about.
410
00:16:28.280 --> 00:16:31.250
So it's kind of the first
thing that I turn to.
411
00:16:31.250 --> 00:16:34.160
And for you, it seems similar,
412
00:16:34.160 --> 00:16:35.990
we might not always get there immediately,
413
00:16:35.990 --> 00:16:39.500
but it's, it's in the top row
of those tools in our toolbox.
414
00:16:39.500 --> 00:16:40.910
But for some people,
415
00:16:40.910 --> 00:16:45.860
maybe they feel like they're
not naturally wired like that.
416
00:16:45.860 --> 00:16:49.910
So if you're not thinking of
yourself as the class clown
417
00:16:49.910 --> 00:16:54.620
or whatever, then how do you go about kind
418
00:16:54.620 --> 00:16:56.990
of developing that irony or that humor
419
00:16:56.990 --> 00:17:01.430
or that ability to look at
things in a humorous way?
420
00:17:01.430 --> 00:17:03.500
Yeah, I, I understand you can develop
421
00:17:03.500 --> 00:17:04.745
your sense of irony, your sense.
422
00:17:04.745 --> 00:17:08.390
The the little acronym
I came up with was Lie,
423
00:17:08.390 --> 00:17:09.710
I want you to Lie, Ricky.
424
00:17:09.710 --> 00:17:14.660
All right then.
Okay. And the L stands for laugh.
425
00:17:14.660 --> 00:17:16.820
And the first thing is
to laugh for yourself.
426
00:17:16.820 --> 00:17:18.770
You know, use a humor journal
427
00:17:18.770 --> 00:17:20.600
to think about what makes you laugh.
428
00:17:20.600 --> 00:17:23.240
When I, when I did my workshop
for medical social workers,
429
00:17:23.240 --> 00:17:24.350
I would tell 'em to reflect
430
00:17:24.350 --> 00:17:26.660
and think on a story that they laughed at.
431
00:17:26.660 --> 00:17:28.670
There's something that made
'em laugh, write it down,
432
00:17:28.670 --> 00:17:29.720
or make a note of it.
433
00:17:29.720 --> 00:17:31.580
Or use your A notes app on your phone
434
00:17:31.580 --> 00:17:33.200
or whatever the technology.
435
00:17:33.200 --> 00:17:36.080
But think about what
made you laugh recently
436
00:17:36.080 --> 00:17:38.420
and why, why was that funny to you?
437
00:17:38.420 --> 00:17:41.120
Why did that, what happened
was the story about
438
00:17:41.120 --> 00:17:43.100
yourself or someone else?
439
00:17:43.100 --> 00:17:46.070
Whatever it was or something
you saw that was ironic.
440
00:17:46.070 --> 00:17:48.530
All right. And by the way, irony is,
441
00:17:48.530 --> 00:17:50.700
is the part of that lie.
442
00:17:50.700 --> 00:17:54.690
So what, the juxtaposition
of two things, right?
443
00:17:54.690 --> 00:17:57.480
The, you know, I mentioned
that scenic view.
444
00:17:57.480 --> 00:17:59.130
So one, one tool here
445
00:17:59.130 --> 00:18:01.860
for irony is think about all
the things that, you know,
446
00:18:01.860 --> 00:18:04.050
what would be ironic about that?
447
00:18:04.050 --> 00:18:09.050
What would change that up? For
example, come up with a list.
448
00:18:09.270 --> 00:18:12.300
Like one of the things we're
a little competition if you're
449
00:18:12.300 --> 00:18:16.080
think in our church while
memorizing the beatitudes, right?
450
00:18:16.080 --> 00:18:20.190
And I started thinking, oh,
there's no more source of irony.
451
00:18:20.190 --> 00:18:23.700
Think about all like the be
blind attitudinals, you know,
452
00:18:23.700 --> 00:18:28.650
like blessed are you, when
people grab you out of the dark
453
00:18:28.650 --> 00:18:31.680
and think that you are
a helpless blind person
454
00:18:31.680 --> 00:18:33.870
and you correct their air by smiting them
455
00:18:33.870 --> 00:18:35.430
with your titanium cane.
456
00:18:35.430 --> 00:18:37.470
I mean, it's just endless. Right?
457
00:18:37.470 --> 00:18:40.320
Or the braille sign that says
don't touch. Right, exactly.
458
00:18:40.320 --> 00:18:41.555
Warning you. Yeah. Like beautiful,
459
00:18:41.555 --> 00:18:43.710
Beautiful example right there.
460
00:18:43.710 --> 00:18:45.300
But you can do this on your own, you know,
461
00:18:45.300 --> 00:18:48.690
like I heard this blind
comedian once had a list
462
00:18:48.690 --> 00:18:50.640
of 10 great things about being blind.
463
00:18:50.640 --> 00:18:52.830
And the first one is, you don't have
464
00:18:52.830 --> 00:18:54.600
to worry about being a designated driver.
465
00:18:55.830 --> 00:18:58.350
So what, you know, come
up with your own list.
466
00:18:58.350 --> 00:19:01.650
10 great things about being
blind, whatever that is.
467
00:19:01.650 --> 00:19:03.930
And that exercise in
468
00:19:03.930 --> 00:19:06.060
and of itself, you
know, finding the irony,
469
00:19:06.060 --> 00:19:07.740
putting those lists together, thinking
470
00:19:07.740 --> 00:19:10.170
of those funny things
that have happened to you.
471
00:19:10.170 --> 00:19:14.010
And the last part of
that lie is embellish.
472
00:19:14.010 --> 00:19:15.930
Take one of the stories,
something's happened to you.
473
00:19:15.930 --> 00:19:18.030
Something that you tell
about yourself a lot
474
00:19:18.030 --> 00:19:19.980
to explain yourself to other people.
475
00:19:19.980 --> 00:19:22.740
You know, you take a story
and you embellish it, right?
476
00:19:22.740 --> 00:19:24.780
And you do this as an exercise.
477
00:19:24.780 --> 00:19:26.730
And again, it's not like
you're, you don't have
478
00:19:26.730 --> 00:19:27.870
to be getting up on stage
479
00:19:27.870 --> 00:19:30.390
and telling it to a
room to make 'em laugh.
480
00:19:30.390 --> 00:19:33.060
It's just like, you can use
that when you're talking
481
00:19:33.060 --> 00:19:35.820
with friends to take
a story to that level,
482
00:19:35.820 --> 00:19:37.650
to exaggerate, embellish it.
483
00:19:37.650 --> 00:19:40.110
It's, it's okay to laugh at
ourselves even though we're
484
00:19:40.110 --> 00:19:43.140
trying to be super confident and all that.
485
00:19:43.140 --> 00:19:45.930
You know, if you could just
laugh at yourself a little bit,
486
00:19:45.930 --> 00:19:47.310
it reframes it, right?
487
00:19:47.310 --> 00:19:49.230
Let's just go out and fail.
488
00:19:49.230 --> 00:19:53.130
And it does help, I think,
to take the ego out of it.
489
00:19:53.130 --> 00:19:56.880
If you can not just tell
the story as it happened,
490
00:19:56.880 --> 00:20:00.000
but to embellish it a little more,
491
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.290
now you are seeing the
ridiculousness in the situation
492
00:20:04.290 --> 00:20:06.900
and taking it to that next level.
493
00:20:06.900 --> 00:20:09.600
Absolutely. Or think
about, you know, another way
494
00:20:09.600 --> 00:20:13.620
to use this is you, you're
going down the hallway
495
00:20:13.620 --> 00:20:15.030
at my favorite place, the Y,
496
00:20:15.030 --> 00:20:17.250
and you're tapping your cane
so that people can hear,
497
00:20:17.250 --> 00:20:19.680
you know, 'cause a lot of times
in a place like the Y people
498
00:20:19.680 --> 00:20:21.540
are in little conversation
groups, you know,
499
00:20:21.540 --> 00:20:22.560
they run into a ferran
500
00:20:22.560 --> 00:20:24.125
and they go to the side of the hallway
501
00:20:24.125 --> 00:20:25.740
and they're so engrossed in conversation,
502
00:20:25.740 --> 00:20:27.210
they don't see you.
503
00:20:27.210 --> 00:20:29.850
Or even if you're tapping,
even hear you sometimes,
504
00:20:29.850 --> 00:20:31.770
you know, I've run into
them a couple times
505
00:20:31.770 --> 00:20:33.360
and, oh sorry, you know,
I thought, well, gosh,
506
00:20:33.360 --> 00:20:34.860
what would be funny to say there?
507
00:20:34.860 --> 00:20:37.620
You know, if a certain group
of people you could say, oh,
508
00:20:37.620 --> 00:20:40.950
I'm sorry I, all I can see
is how wonderful you are,
509
00:20:40.950 --> 00:20:43.230
you know, or, or excuse me,
510
00:20:43.230 --> 00:20:45.180
you're in my blind zone, you know?
511
00:20:47.380 --> 00:20:49.420
But try to think, what
would be funny to say?
512
00:20:49.420 --> 00:20:52.210
You know, what would be funny
for you to say at that time
513
00:20:52.210 --> 00:20:54.010
to help diffuse the situation?
514
00:20:54.010 --> 00:20:57.250
Or you know, so anyway, that
acronym, you know, learn
515
00:20:57.250 --> 00:20:58.330
to laugh at yourself.
516
00:20:58.330 --> 00:20:59.590
What's funny to you?
517
00:20:59.590 --> 00:21:02.320
Keep a journal, I, where's
the irony in things?
518
00:21:02.320 --> 00:21:05.050
Come up with a list of stuff and then,
519
00:21:05.050 --> 00:21:07.990
and then see what would be
ironic or funny in that list,
520
00:21:07.990 --> 00:21:10.060
or the 10 greatest
things about being blind.
521
00:21:10.060 --> 00:21:11.830
What are they to you? The,
522
00:21:11.830 --> 00:21:15.490
and then imbalance, take that
story and just ratchet it up.
523
00:21:15.490 --> 00:21:17.680
I love it. It's really good advice.
524
00:21:17.680 --> 00:21:22.510
And it's a way that whether
you're already thinking about
525
00:21:22.510 --> 00:21:25.390
what is funny in everyday life
526
00:21:25.390 --> 00:21:29.440
or you don't traditionally turn
your mind in that direction,
527
00:21:29.440 --> 00:21:33.250
it's still like a concrete
exercise that you can do
528
00:21:33.250 --> 00:21:38.140
to think about it and reframe
things a little differently.
529
00:21:38.140 --> 00:21:41.350
So I've been blind for a long time
530
00:21:41.350 --> 00:21:45.970
and I feel like I have heard
every blind joke there is.
531
00:21:45.970 --> 00:21:48.910
And I've probably told most of them.
532
00:21:48.910 --> 00:21:52.510
And there are some things that
the first time you hear it,
533
00:21:52.510 --> 00:21:54.940
it's kind of funny and you have a chuckle.
534
00:21:54.940 --> 00:21:57.220
Second time you hear
it, you might chuckle,
535
00:21:57.220 --> 00:21:59.260
but a little bit less.
536
00:21:59.260 --> 00:22:04.210
Do you have any thoughts
about when people who are
537
00:22:04.210 --> 00:22:05.260
around you
538
00:22:05.260 --> 00:22:09.640
and they're trying to use
humor to diffuse the situation,
539
00:22:09.640 --> 00:22:12.400
but it gets to a point
where it's like, you know,
540
00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:13.810
maybe I say, oh,
541
00:22:13.810 --> 00:22:15.670
I'm watching a really
good series right now,
542
00:22:16.570 --> 00:22:18.460
but are you though?
543
00:22:18.460 --> 00:22:20.620
Are you really? Yeah. You know?
544
00:22:20.620 --> 00:22:23.680
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you have thoughts about how
545
00:22:23.680 --> 00:22:25.720
to approach that?
546
00:22:25.720 --> 00:22:28.810
Where you're saying, I
still want you to be able
547
00:22:28.810 --> 00:22:30.340
to laugh with me.
548
00:22:30.340 --> 00:22:35.260
I find this funny. That
particular joke though, enough,
549
00:22:35.260 --> 00:22:36.910
You know, that depends
on how well you know
550
00:22:36.910 --> 00:22:38.020
the people that are doing it.
551
00:22:38.020 --> 00:22:41.290
Because, 'cause you know, like
with my mostly guy friends,
552
00:22:41.290 --> 00:22:42.550
one of the reasons we like being
553
00:22:42.550 --> 00:22:44.890
around each other is we can be extremely
554
00:22:44.890 --> 00:22:46.690
sarcastic with each other.
555
00:22:46.690 --> 00:22:49.660
One of my good friends, when
I first, right, you know,
556
00:22:49.660 --> 00:22:51.340
like a week after I'd lost my vision,
557
00:22:51.340 --> 00:22:52.780
I had some old friends come by
558
00:22:52.780 --> 00:22:54.880
and one guy leaned into me, he goes, man,
559
00:22:54.880 --> 00:22:56.980
I bet you didn't see this coming, did you?
560
00:22:56.980 --> 00:23:00.310
It made me laugh so hard. Oh my word.
561
00:23:00.310 --> 00:23:01.840
So if you have friends like that,
562
00:23:01.840 --> 00:23:03.340
you can lean into 'em pretty hard.
563
00:23:03.340 --> 00:23:06.070
But you do have to signal
to some people, you know,
564
00:23:06.070 --> 00:23:07.480
because it's typical.
565
00:23:07.480 --> 00:23:09.970
'cause one of the things you
want to get across is, look,
566
00:23:09.970 --> 00:23:12.190
yeah, I'm blind, but
I, I just want to hang
567
00:23:13.120 --> 00:23:13.953
Exactly. Just
568
00:23:13.953 --> 00:23:15.820
Treat me like a regular person.
569
00:23:15.820 --> 00:23:19.420
Right? So yeah, you do have
to communicate that gently
570
00:23:19.420 --> 00:23:21.700
with people To someone like you, Ricky,
571
00:23:21.700 --> 00:23:22.990
you've got a great sense of humor.
572
00:23:22.990 --> 00:23:24.040
You use it often.
573
00:23:24.040 --> 00:23:26.800
So they're, they may be
thinking, you always wanna laugh
574
00:23:26.800 --> 00:23:28.360
or chuckle about stuff.
575
00:23:28.360 --> 00:23:30.850
And it's interesting that
people don't read the room.
576
00:23:30.850 --> 00:23:32.530
I mean, they can see the
expression on your face.
577
00:23:32.530 --> 00:23:34.300
They can read you a little bit.
578
00:23:34.300 --> 00:23:35.740
So you gotta let 'em know a little bit.
579
00:23:35.740 --> 00:23:37.000
Sometimes you have to lean into
580
00:23:37.000 --> 00:23:39.100
that about how you're feeling.
581
00:23:39.100 --> 00:23:43.000
Yeah. Sometimes it is about advocating
582
00:23:43.000 --> 00:23:45.050
for yourself even when it's uncomfortable.
583
00:23:45.050 --> 00:23:46.580
And maybe you step back
584
00:23:46.580 --> 00:23:50.030
and think of a way to, like
you said, advocate with humor.
585
00:23:50.030 --> 00:23:52.070
Hey, come on, get some new material.
586
00:23:52.070 --> 00:23:54.950
Absolutely. Yeah. And again,
the more you can do that
587
00:23:54.950 --> 00:23:57.350
with a little humor, it's a little sugar.
588
00:23:57.350 --> 00:23:59.165
Yes.
In the medicine, if you will.
589
00:24:00.770 --> 00:24:02.300
So people are funny.
590
00:24:02.300 --> 00:24:06.440
And I think that's the thing
is that sometimes we have
591
00:24:06.440 --> 00:24:10.310
to laugh at the situation.
592
00:24:10.310 --> 00:24:12.140
And I think there are a lot of situations
593
00:24:12.140 --> 00:24:16.250
that we will encounter where
someone says something that is
594
00:24:16.250 --> 00:24:17.360
so thoughtless
595
00:24:17.360 --> 00:24:19.340
or just out there
596
00:24:19.340 --> 00:24:23.240
that is not in any way associated
597
00:24:23.240 --> 00:24:25.430
with the reality you are living in.
598
00:24:25.430 --> 00:24:27.980
There's where you employ
that irony, right?
599
00:24:27.980 --> 00:24:29.270
Oh, absolutely.
600
00:24:29.270 --> 00:24:31.820
The other thing too, I would
always stress in workshops,
601
00:24:31.820 --> 00:24:34.010
I said, look, there are
times you're gonna try
602
00:24:34.010 --> 00:24:35.750
and make someone laugh and it's not gonna
603
00:24:35.750 --> 00:24:38.300
go, it's not gonna work.
604
00:24:38.300 --> 00:24:40.880
And either they, they might
be offended some kind of way
605
00:24:40.880 --> 00:24:43.400
'cause you don't know their
context what's going on,
606
00:24:43.400 --> 00:24:45.560
or it just wasn't funny in the moment.
607
00:24:45.560 --> 00:24:46.730
Just wink at 'em and say, Hey,
608
00:24:46.730 --> 00:24:47.960
it's just trying to make you laugh, man.
609
00:24:47.960 --> 00:24:51.800
Sorry, you know, you do that,
you'll cover a lot of bases.
610
00:24:51.800 --> 00:24:54.500
And so in a lot of ways
humor can, can rock our will,
611
00:24:54.500 --> 00:24:57.125
lift our spirits, help us see the world
612
00:24:57.125 --> 00:24:58.160
through a different lens,
613
00:24:58.160 --> 00:25:00.650
help us tackle difficult
emotional challenges
614
00:25:00.650 --> 00:25:02.360
that we're not willing to do,
615
00:25:02.360 --> 00:25:05.000
and just be more fun to be
around, more fun to be with.
616
00:25:05.000 --> 00:25:07.130
And again, it's not the
only tool in the toolbox.
617
00:25:07.130 --> 00:25:09.530
And I would stress this
with my volunteers at in
618
00:25:09.530 --> 00:25:11.270
hospice and other places.
619
00:25:11.270 --> 00:25:13.370
It's not, but it's, it's
just a tool that I saw
620
00:25:13.370 --> 00:25:15.560
so many people not use
when they could have.
621
00:25:15.560 --> 00:25:16.970
Right? Yeah.
622
00:25:16.970 --> 00:25:19.940
It's important to know it's there and when
623
00:25:19.940 --> 00:25:22.190
and how to use it. Absolutely.
624
00:25:22.190 --> 00:25:24.530
Yeah. And you can
further develop your own.
625
00:25:24.530 --> 00:25:27.200
So you may not think
of yourself as someone
626
00:25:27.200 --> 00:25:29.780
that can figure out
what's funny in the moment
627
00:25:29.780 --> 00:25:31.550
or what would be ironic or whatever,
628
00:25:31.550 --> 00:25:33.500
but you can work on that.
629
00:25:33.500 --> 00:25:37.610
Well, I really love the tips
that you gave to make a list
630
00:25:37.610 --> 00:25:40.790
of the things that have made you laugh.
631
00:25:40.790 --> 00:25:43.130
Because understanding
632
00:25:43.130 --> 00:25:46.940
that can help you understand
parts about yourself
633
00:25:46.940 --> 00:25:50.690
and what you find funny in life.
634
00:25:50.690 --> 00:25:52.970
And once you figure out what that is,
635
00:25:52.970 --> 00:25:56.300
it helps you start
thinking in that direction.
636
00:25:56.300 --> 00:25:57.620
This has been so much fun.
637
00:25:57.620 --> 00:25:58.640
I knew it would be,
638
00:25:58.640 --> 00:26:01.490
I feel like we could
trade stories all day.
639
00:26:01.490 --> 00:26:04.520
And if you are listening to this
640
00:26:04.520 --> 00:26:07.220
and you are hoping for some examples
641
00:26:07.220 --> 00:26:10.790
of humorous stories like
wearing mismatching shoes
642
00:26:10.790 --> 00:26:15.790
and the like, we do have some
podcasts on just some funny
643
00:26:16.010 --> 00:26:20.270
blinder, low vision
bloopers that we have shared
644
00:26:20.270 --> 00:26:23.090
with each other and other
people have shared as well.
645
00:26:23.090 --> 00:26:25.850
So we'll have those in the show notes too.
646
00:26:25.850 --> 00:26:27.230
John, this has been awesome.
647
00:26:27.230 --> 00:26:31.010
Thank you so much for taking
the time to share some stories,
648
00:26:31.010 --> 00:26:32.300
have a couple of laughs
649
00:26:32.300 --> 00:26:35.900
and give us some tips on
how to keep doing that.
650
00:26:35.900 --> 00:26:37.190
Oh, it's been my pleasure.
651
00:26:37.190 --> 00:26:39.710
And I know there's people out
there listening thinking, man,
652
00:26:39.710 --> 00:26:41.240
I'm funnier than that guy.
653
00:26:41.240 --> 00:26:42.770
How come I'm not on the show?
654
00:26:42.770 --> 00:26:45.660
Well, I hope you contact
Hadley with your own stories
655
00:26:45.660 --> 00:26:47.640
and the ways that humor has helped you.
656
00:26:47.640 --> 00:26:50.910
Yes. We would love to hear
from you. Thank you, John.
657
00:26:50.910 --> 00:26:52.020
It's been a pleasure.
658
00:26:52.020 --> 00:26:53.850
And thank you all so much for listening.
659
00:26:56.250 --> 00:26:57.960
Got something to say?
660
00:26:57.960 --> 00:27:01.410
Share your thoughts about this
episode of Hadley Presents,
661
00:27:01.410 --> 00:27:03.990
or make suggestions for future episodes.
662
00:27:03.990 --> 00:27:05.700
We'd love to hear from you.
663
00:27:05.700 --> 00:27:10.680
Send us an email at
podcast@hadleyhelps.org.
664
00:27:10.680 --> 00:27:13.794
That's P-O-D-C-A-S-T
665
00:27:13.794 --> 00:27:17.190
at HadleyHelps.org
666
00:27:17.190 --> 00:27:18.960
or leave us a message at
667
00:27:18.960 --> 00:27:23.960
847-784-2870.
668
00:27:24.150 --> 00:27:25.110
Thanks for listening.