When You Feel Alone

Angela: My name is Angela. I worked in the family business. I always knew, you know, working on paperwork. I'm like, I can't see this, but I'm not gonna say anything, you know, I'll suffer through.

Once I got the diagnosis, I went into a huge depression. It lasted a very long time. “Oh my gosh, my life is over. The doctor said there's nothing that can be done. What am I gonna do with my life now? I can't drive anymore. You know, I can't even leave the house.” And even a, a thought or two about suicide. When you're in that state of mind, everything's despair. Everything's isolated. No one understood me. I had it in my head that there was no way I could do anything.

One day, I just sat up and I, I can't explain it, and all of a sudden, I heard a voice say, “It's not your time. You, you have things to do.” Something snapped inside my head and I sat up. I said, “You know what? I'm dying. I'm actually physically killing myself, not getting out of bed, not getting any sunshine. I'm literally dying.”

So I got up and went to the computer. I typed in, “Who helps blind people?” Hadley was the very first thing that came up. My whole world started opening up. My whole entire world changed with just one search.

You know, I have met some friends, sighted friends that drive. That helps a lot. I have signed up for ADA para-transport. I get out and walk. Now I walk every day, and that helps. Just being in the sun helps. I've got things to do. I've got things to talk about. I've got people to talk to and places to go.

Doctors need to be so careful, because when they tell you, “Nothing can be done,” it doesn't mean nothing can be done. That means he can't do anything else. But there's so much more that can be done.

I'm not gonna lie, I was scared to death to change. I was scared to death. Isolation is the biggest beast. Feeling isolated, feeling alone, feeling sad. But once you break out of it, the whole world opens up.

Narrator: When Angela's doctor told her nothing more could be done, that her vision loss was irreversible, she did what many of us do. She fell into despair. And that can be a very, very lonely place, right? Well, let's take a few minutes to delve into what tends to spark these feelings when vision loss is part of our lives, and ways we might be able to work through that sense of isolation.

Changes in vision often mean giving up the car keys. It can even mean that walking outside on your own no longer feels comfortable. And when you add in the possibility that seeing faces and facial expressions can become more difficult, well, it's not all surprising that many of us end up feeling alone and stuck there—physically stuck, saying to ourselves, “I can't leave my house anymore.” And emotionally stuck, saying, “There's no way I can live like this.” Honestly, it's easy to see how we can get to feeling all alone in the world. But now let's look for some ways we might begin to work our way through this.

Angela talked about how she kind of had to push herself through the rough patches at first, forcing herself to sit up from her bed, to reach out for support. You may have to do that, too. It may be that you have to work harder now to stay connected with your friends and family because you're not out and about as much anymore. So you may want to start out small and pick up the phone more often than you used to, just to chat with a friend you haven't seen in a while. You may even find scrolling through social media helps you feel a bit more plugged into life.

If you're living alone, you may need to stick your neck out a bit more to ask if a friend could drop in for a visit or pick you up on their way to doing something you both enjoy. That, too, may be uncomfortable for you to do, but you may just find that they are glad you called. It's very possible they've been waiting to be more helpful to you and just didn't know how to do it or what you needed.

Then there are those times when we feel all alone, even when there are people around us. Feeling like your vision loss has uprooted your life in ways that your friends and loved ones couldn't possibly understand. That, too, can be a very lonely place. If this sounds like you, you may want to try picking just one person in your life to confide in. Tell them what you're facing, what you can and can't see anymore, and how you feel about all of this. Sharing with a friend or family member, counselor, or therapist could begin to ease that sense of loneliness for you and could help you begin to reconnect the pieces of your life.

Lastly, if you don't feel sure enough of yourself when walking outside, much less getting around town, you may want to consider learning a few tips and tricks from others also facing vision loss. Depending on your vision, where you live, and your personal preferences, that could be finding ride services in your area, learning to use a cane, or even figuring out how to more comfortably walk alongside someone as they guide your steps.

Low vision clinics and other vision agencies can introduce you to a whole host of services you never even knew existed. As Angela discovered, your whole world could open up with just one search. But if none of this feels right to you, if you're feeling stuck and alone and not sure where to start, just give Hadley a call. We'll figure this out together.