“I was parading around like a sighted person when I was actually losing my vision.” —Angela
Covering up
Judging from the many stories shared with Hadley, it seems like Angela’s initial approach to vision loss is quite common. We tend to protect ourselves from the shock and discomfort of difficult news by ignoring it and pretending that nothing has changed.
Angela remembers thinking, “I don’t want people to know my business. It’s my secret.”
Of course, we all know that the comfort of denial wears thin with time.
Reality has a way of creeping in. With vision loss, reality can come in the form of bumps, bruises, and putting ourselves in harm’s way.
That was the case for Angela and her life with glaucoma. “I fell so many times. I bumped my head so many times.”
Then, a visit from her daughter made all the difference. They were planning a trip to the mall—which brought up unpleasant memories for Angela. “The last time we went to the mall, I ran into a pole, and I almost split my head open,” she says. “I was afraid of that, but I didn’t say anything.”
Her daughter must have sensed her mom’s hesitation. She suggested Angela try out the white cane that was sitting in her closet. “This would help you so much, Mommy,” she said.
“All I could do is start crying,” Angela recalls. “It made me realize that the only person that was embarrassed of my vision loss was me.”
Hiding the truth
Like Angela, Sheila rarely spoke to anyone about her declining vision from diabetic retinopathy. Then one day, as she made her way to the front of a classroom where she worked, she knocked over a science project and vase of flowers. The reaction from the class was dead silence.
Sheila felt humiliated and even considered quitting. But a conversation with her husband led her down a different path. She decided to tell the truth to the students and explain her vision loss. They were full of questions and Sheila openly answered them. Then, Sheila asked a question of her own: "What did you think was going on with me yesterday when I knocked things over?"
As it turns out, the students thought she was drunk or on drugs. Hearing that the students had jumped to conclusions much worse than the truth, Sheila knew it was time to give up denying and stop pretending.
And as she became more open about her vision, she felt a huge sense of relief. As it turned out, denying and hiding the reality of her impaired vision had become a tremendous burden.
Talking with others
For Angela and Sheila, talking with family helped. But those conversations aren’t always easy.
If you’re looking for some help to guide vision loss conversations with your family and friends, we have some tips for you. Here’s a link to our Tools for Talking about Vision Loss video workshop.
Hear more of Angela’s story “The secret was killing me.” on our Insights & Sound Bites podcast.
Read more about Sheila’s story in our stories about members.
Hear more about Vision Loss and Family Dynamics on our Hadley Presents podcast.
Has denial played a role in your vision loss journey? Were there things that helped you through it?
Call Hadley at 800-323-4238 if you have any questions at all. We're here to help.