"The secret was killing me"
This week Angela shares how she struggled to get around due to vision loss, how she tried to hide it from others, and what helped her.
Hadley
The secret was killing me
Angela Delgado: So, the secret was killing me. The secret was putting me in dangerous situations.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Angela Delgado: Hello, my name is Angela Delgado. I live in New York City.
I worked in the hospital for a long time and I was always on the computer a lot and I noticed that I started to see floaters in my eyes and overall I just realized that my side views was going and when I went to the doctor, they told me that I have symptoms of glaucoma and I'm like, "Glaucoma? What is that?" I heard of it, but I just didn't know anybody that had that.
They said eventually you're going to wind up losing your vision more and more over time. And they said that there's no cure for glaucoma. And I'm like, "What do you mean there's no cure? You can't fix this? I want this fixed now."
Overall, I started to lose most of the vision in the right eye. So I'm using the left eye. So I'm off balance when I'm walking because I have no peripheral. They told me, "Oh, well you should sign up for Commission for the Blind. I said, "Commission for the Blind?" I said, "What are you saying? I am not like those people. My situation is different."
They gave me the cane. I had the mobility training, the rehab, and it came out to where I live. I can't legally drive anymore, so they declared me legally blind and visually impaired. I had the cane inside my rain boots in the closet.
I was like, "Well, I still got a little bit of vision left, so I'm going to use what I got. I don't want people to know my business." I said, "Because it's my secret." So, the secret was killing me. The secret was putting me in dangerous situations. I fell so many times, I bumped my head so many times. I was taking the train and buses and people was coming left, right, all different directions in the city. And I was like, "Oh, excuse me." They said, "Watch out lady." They said, "What's wrong with you?
My daughter came by to see me, She said, "Mommy, why you don't usually take your cane with you?" And when she said that, it was a light bulb went off in my head. And here I am, it's not like I don't have a cane.
Because we was going to the mall, and I remember the last time we went to the mall, I ran into a pole and I had a big old knot on my head. I almost split my head open. And I was afraid of that, but I didn't say anything. I just wanted to make them happy.
I have a brand new cane that's in the closet in my rain boots. And I haven't even been wearing the rain boots because the cane was in it, so I felt like it was contaminated with the cane. She said, "This would help you so much." And all I could do is, and then I started crying. I started crying because... I'm crying now, but I started crying because it made me realize that the only person that was embarrassed of my vision loss was me. And I didn't want to burden nobody else. And they was more worried about me not using the cane, and I didn't know that.
And I thought that they didn't want to be around me or when they was around me, I wanted to be like them. I wanted to go and act like I could still see is good.
But when we went to the mall, I had the cane out and it just fit me. The cane was moving without me. Put it that way. It was guiding me without my permission, if that makes any sense.
Everything just happened so naturally. That was the best thing I ever did.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 100
As Patricia's vision changed, doing things on her own became harder, and at times she felt like no one really understood. Connecting with others going through many of the same things helped her feel less alone and more like herself again.
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Episode 99
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Episode 98
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Episode 97
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Episode 96
For Carolyn, connecting with people has always come naturally. When vision loss made it harder to recognize faces, she worried about missing those everyday connections. Hear how speaking up about her vision helped others understand what she needed.
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Episode 95
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Episode 94
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Episode 93
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Episode 92
As Mary's vision worsened, the life she'd always known began slipping out of reach. She wasn't sure where to turn or what might help. But a chance meeting changed things for her in ways she now hopes to pass on.
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Episode 91
When Susan began losing vision, she grew fearful about the future. But she found a source of hope and courage.
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Episode 90
Early in her journey with vision loss, Char was bitter and angry at the world. But one day, a heartfelt conversation helped her turn a corner and, as she put it, "look at vision loss through different eyes."
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Episode 89
The impact vision loss had on Todd's life was profound. Through cycles of anger and depression, he often took it out on those who cared most about him. Then he started channeling those emotions into a new activity, and that made all the difference for him and his family.
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