"The hardest thing was adjusting to the loss"
The loss Tom feels regarding his vision is complicated because it is ongoing. Acceptance has not come easy. Through the years, though, he has come to approach life a bit differently.
Hadley
The hardest thing was adjusting to the loss
Tom: The biggest and, stumbling block was always kind of identifying, as a blind person, as someone who was different than how I started out.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Tom: This is Tom Large in Baltimore, Maryland. And I was in my email this morning and got, an email from Hadley. And listened to, some of what's already, recorded there and decided, as an old guy who's, dealt with my, vision loss for decades now, maybe I should contribute something.
So, that was where I'm starting from today. And for me, you know, the hardest thing was always, adjusting to the to the loss. I started out life as a sighted, fully sighted person. I have Stargardts disease. So, my vision went down rather quickly.
But I think, the biggest and, stumbling block was always kind of identifying as, as a blind person, as someone who was different than how I started out. If you're if you have normal vision, full vision, and then you lose your sight, gradually or suddenly, but particularly gradually, there's this ongoing, complicated grieving process with decline and function.
I still remember the tragedy that it was for me not being able to drive.
Got to the driver's license stage, and I was different. And beginning to accept that difference took really accepting and starting to feel and go through my grief. And any of you who had loss over the years know how this goes. I don't think, completely finished you we keep on working on our acceptance of loss.
As you have those feelings and let go of being, so invested in being sighted. Then you find that I found that there was some energy to freed up, to learn new things, and to start to accept, all the, the great tools that are now available for, you know, blind people.
So, the first big win for me was a white cane. Walking around with a white cane, using the cane. Being identified as a blind guy. And then learning some braille. Just to. Not much, but a little to be able to, label things.
And then when you can, to ask for help, at least for many of us men, can take some doing but, that's another big step, because there's lots of help out there, like Hadley, which I discovered, only quite recently. And I'm, almost 80, so, you know, I'm, I'm slow on the trigger here, so thanks.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
-
Episode 62
Anne's declining vision had her feeling down and sorry for herself. But two gifts—one she gave and one she received—helped turn things around for her.
-
Episode 61
Glaucoma advanced to the point where Ron found it too difficult to do the volunteer work he loved in retirement. Still, he found a way to pull himself out of the hole he felt he was in and continue to give back.
-
Episode 60
Diabetic retinopathy has taken more and more of Charles's vision. To cope, he is learning new approaches to life AND leaning into areas of passion that don't rely on sight.
-
Episode 59
Bruce's vision had been decreasing for years. When it reached the point where he was tripping over objects and bumping into people, he felt embarrassed and kept his vision loss a secret. His wife convinced him to try something new.
-
Episode 58
Marie grieved the loss of her vision, and still does. Yet, on a sunny August morning, she came to a realization that made all the difference in the world.
-
Episode 57
Terry's doctor told him, "There's nothing more we can do. You'll never drive again," and he was distraught. Then he recalled his military days as a Marine and sailor, and that got him through.
-
Episode 56
When Emma lost her sight in just a few months, she struggled to cope. She felt alone, her insecurities grew, and self-esteem plummeted. With time, she came to a new understanding and that helped her tremendously.
-
Episode 55
Dave calls his experience with vision loss a slow torture. In the face of this, however, he has found a sense of inspiration in explorers, history, and an activity you wouldn't typically connect with vision loss, sightseeing.
-
Episode 54
When Albert's vision decreased to the point that he could no longer read print anymore, he found it stressful. But he's found a new source of comfort that helps him quite a bit.
-
Episode 53
Jayne can feel isolated living with her eye disease, spending much of her days forcing herself to focus on things that have become blurry. The stress can be overwhelming, causing her to shut down. But there's one area of life that now brings her more joy than ever before.
-
Episode 52
When Jeffry lost his sight, he felt a loss of control, a loss of dignity. Then, he began his long road to empowerment, one small goal at a time.
-
Episode 51
Marilyn went through bouts of anxiety and depression with her vision loss and still grieves the loss several years into her journey. She also decided to do something for herself which has helped tremendously.