"It's finding people that do understand"
As Mary's vision worsened, the life she'd always known began slipping out of reach. She wasn't sure where to turn or what might help. But a chance meeting changed things for her in ways she now hopes to pass on.
Hadley
“It’s finding people that do understand”
Mary: I would be very emotional when I tried to do something, especially in public that I thought I could do and I couldn't. You've been doing these things all your life and suddenly you can't.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Mary: My name is Mary. I'm from Tinley Park, that's a town south of Chicago. I've had some macular degeneration since 2017, but it really got bad about a year ago. When I went to the retinologist, he just said, ‘oh, I'm terribly sorry. There's nothing we can do.’
I didn't know where to go from there, what I could do or it was beginning to interfere with reading. I hadn't been reading a lot, you know, less and less and now it really was real hard to read. Then it was starting to be kind of questionable whether driving was safe or not. And so, my world was cut back to really having a very hard time reading anything even with magnifiers and the loss of driving.
I happened to see a woman that I knew and directed me to a low vision support group in this area. I went there and they were talking about other things, about Lighthouse for the Blind, about Hadley, about different magnifying glasses that would help and other devices out there that would might help. So, from that point on, I am getting some direction.
I would be very emotional when I tried to do something, especially in public that I thought I could do and I couldn't. The tears would just come. And I found that was very common, that you've been doing these things all your life and suddenly you can't.
Someone described it as a death and you go through the stages of death. But it is a death, a death of what I could do and what I can do now.
It's just trying to adjust to a different way of life for the rest of my life. But it's hard after I'm 80, so after 80 years of independence now I have to become dependent in a lot of ways.
I find the most support from people in similar situations. And then you find that there are some people that have a lot more trouble, but yet they're coping with things. But I am trying to make myself a priority to find out what I can do. I think part of it is time, but part of it is finding people that do understand that even though you are walking around and you're looking like you're doing perfectly fine, it's not perfect and none of it's going to be the way it was.
My family doctor said something about who helped you find these things? And I'm thinking mostly it was me just asking everybody or anything that would help that I thought would help me. And I do feel like better. And maybe part of it probably is just time.
At first, I was a little angry with my retinologist. I told him about the support group. He said, oh yeah, we tell our people about that. I'm thinking you didn't tell me.
So yeah, I am really on feel like I'm on a want to be on a mission to help other people that were in my situation and never found real direction. You know, where to go and how to deal with things.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 79
When Carol Lee was diagnosed with age-related macular degeneration, she was angry and frustrated. Over time, resentment began to fade a bit and the shock wore off. Gradually, her perspective started to shift.
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Episode 78
When Cliff unexpectedly lost a fair amount of his sight, he felt overwhelmed. But with time, he found a way forward.
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Episode 77
Thomas is experiencing many challenges of late, including vision loss. He finds inspiration and hope knowing he's not alone.
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Episode 76
Nikki has lost her vision due to a rare autoimmune disease. While she appreciates positive bits of advice and encouragement, she also stays grounded in the struggles she's facing and knows others do, too. She's feeling the loss.
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Episode 75
When a favorite hobby became more difficult for Dianne due to glaucoma, she learned to tap into something else. It turned out to be the ideal thing.
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Episode 74
Peter's sight slowly but steadily worsened over the course of several years. When he had to give up driving, his self-image took a hit. Working through his emotions has helped him cope and adjust.
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Episode 73
Sherry's vision loss has been gradual yet relentless. Asking for help to do things she used to be able to do on her own is a challenge for her, as it is for many. But she's finding some new tools and new ways to do things.
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Episode 72
Carolyn lost much of her vision after several glaucoma surgeries, leaving her feeling angry and discouraged. But a familiar childhood story inspired her to keep trying, even when tasks seemed impossible.
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Episode 71
Learning he would never see again was heartbreaking for Shannon. Embracing what challenged him, Shannon discovered strength in the unfamiliar.
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Episode 70
The week Jessica was diagnosed with an eye disease that would progressively impair her vision, she also found out she had cancer. A few things have helped her continue to feel strong and less isolated.
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Episode 69
Jack's vision has been declining for years. The hardest part for him is that it just keeps changing, so he needs to keep adapting. A routine Jack's wife put in place for the couple has helped him cope and adjust.
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Episode 68
Losing a fair amount of her vision brought with it a series of other losses for Dia. She began to feel depressed and very fearful. However, she gradually started giving herself pep talks and reconnecting with the things that bring her joy.