"It's finding people that do understand"
As Mary's vision worsened, the life she'd always known began slipping out of reach. She wasn't sure where to turn or what might help. But a chance meeting changed things for her in ways she now hopes to pass on.
Hadley
“It’s finding people that do understand”
Mary: I would be very emotional when I tried to do something, especially in public that I thought I could do and I couldn't. You've been doing these things all your life and suddenly you can't.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Mary: My name is Mary. I'm from Tinley Park, that's a town south of Chicago. I've had some macular degeneration since 2017, but it really got bad about a year ago. When I went to the retinologist, he just said, ‘oh, I'm terribly sorry. There's nothing we can do.’
I didn't know where to go from there, what I could do or it was beginning to interfere with reading. I hadn't been reading a lot, you know, less and less and now it really was real hard to read. Then it was starting to be kind of questionable whether driving was safe or not. And so, my world was cut back to really having a very hard time reading anything even with magnifiers and the loss of driving.
I happened to see a woman that I knew and directed me to a low vision support group in this area. I went there and they were talking about other things, about Lighthouse for the Blind, about Hadley, about different magnifying glasses that would help and other devices out there that would might help. So, from that point on, I am getting some direction.
I would be very emotional when I tried to do something, especially in public that I thought I could do and I couldn't. The tears would just come. And I found that was very common, that you've been doing these things all your life and suddenly you can't.
Someone described it as a death and you go through the stages of death. But it is a death, a death of what I could do and what I can do now.
It's just trying to adjust to a different way of life for the rest of my life. But it's hard after I'm 80, so after 80 years of independence now I have to become dependent in a lot of ways.
I find the most support from people in similar situations. And then you find that there are some people that have a lot more trouble, but yet they're coping with things. But I am trying to make myself a priority to find out what I can do. I think part of it is time, but part of it is finding people that do understand that even though you are walking around and you're looking like you're doing perfectly fine, it's not perfect and none of it's going to be the way it was.
My family doctor said something about who helped you find these things? And I'm thinking mostly it was me just asking everybody or anything that would help that I thought would help me. And I do feel like better. And maybe part of it probably is just time.
At first, I was a little angry with my retinologist. I told him about the support group. He said, oh yeah, we tell our people about that. I'm thinking you didn't tell me.
So yeah, I am really on feel like I'm on a want to be on a mission to help other people that were in my situation and never found real direction. You know, where to go and how to deal with things.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 67
Julia had always lived life on her own terms. So, when vision loss meant giving up her car keys, she used a white cane or her husband's arm to guide her steps, and kept going. Still, she noticed a change in how others treated her… until she made a decision she now calls, "the best thing I ever did."
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Episode 66
When the scenario Leighann had feared for years finally happened and glaucoma took much of her vision, it hit her hard. But her desire to keep living meant challenging herself—even when it scared her.
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Episode 65
Michael's vision loss led him down a long, uncomfortable road, discovering what he had to let go of and what he could still hold on to for his future. He continues to challenge himself to try new things.
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Episode 64
Tamisue's eyesight has diminished to the point where she feels stuck between two worlds—not enough vision to function as she once did, but not fully blind. She fears her world going completely dark. However, an addition to her life has made a tremendous difference for both her and her family.
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Episode 63
The loss Tom feels regarding his vision is complicated because it is ongoing. Acceptance has not come easy. Through the years, though, he has come to approach life a bit differently.
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Episode 62
Anne's declining vision had her feeling down and sorry for herself. But two gifts—one she gave and one she received—helped turn things around for her.
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Episode 61
Glaucoma advanced to the point where Ron found it too difficult to do the volunteer work he loved in retirement. Still, he found a way to pull himself out of the hole he felt he was in and continue to give back.
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Episode 60
Diabetic retinopathy has taken more and more of Charles's vision. To cope, he is learning new approaches to life AND leaning into areas of passion that don't rely on sight.
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Episode 59
Bruce's vision had been decreasing for years. When it reached the point where he was tripping over objects and bumping into people, he felt embarrassed and kept his vision loss a secret. His wife convinced him to try something new.
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Episode 58
Marie grieved the loss of her vision, and still does. Yet, on a sunny August morning, she came to a realization that made all the difference in the world.
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Episode 57
Terry's doctor told him, "There's nothing more we can do. You'll never drive again," and he was distraught. Then he recalled his military days as a Marine and sailor, and that got him through.
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Episode 56
When Emma lost her sight in just a few months, she struggled to cope. She felt alone, her insecurities grew, and self-esteem plummeted. With time, she came to a new understanding and that helped her tremendously.