"It's something that carries me through the emotions when it's hard."
The impact vision loss had on Todd's life was profound. Through cycles of anger and depression, he often took it out on those who cared most about him. Then he started channeling those emotions into a new activity, and that made all the difference for him and his family.
Hadley
“It’s something that carries me through the emotions when it’s hard”
Todd: didn't really want to take it the truth that I was losing my vision and I kept denying it. And that just brought me lower.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Todd: Hello, my name is Todd Dugal. I am from Quincy, Illinois and I'm here today just to share my story.
I was a general manager and a partner of ownership running a restaurant and everything was going great. I was able to supply for my family and supply for my kids and just felt like everything was going great. And then I have a severe case of glaucoma and have totally lost vision in one of my eyes, no light or anything. And then the other one, I only have 5% of my optic nerve left. So now all I see is it's cloudy, I'm not able to drive, I'm not able to work. Which was really the hardest thing that I went through was with my vision loss journey, I came to the realization and felt unworthy. I felt useless. I went through a very hard time of anger and depression because of I felt like how am I going to supply for my family?
How am I going to be able to do the things I normally do? And it was difficult. I didn't really want to take it the truth that I was losing my vision and I kept denying it. And that just brought me lower.
One of the greatest things that I had help from was my family. And at that time I was very rude. I ashamedly say I treated them in the worst of ways when they loved me the most, I was turning my back on them. And there was times when I wanted to throw the towel in and say, I'm done. I'm worth more dead than I am alive, just to put it plain and transparent.
It was very hard for me to go through my personal emotions. And one of the things that I started doing was I started just journaling, using my journal on my phone that's audible. And I would just, whatever I was feeling that day, I would journal it, I'd put it down, and then later I could go back and I would listen to it and I'd dwell on it and think, where am I at?
And I've realized that I am still the same person.
And with that strength, I can overcome the emotions and know I am worthy of who I am. I can still function, I can still be a husband, I can still be a father, a grandpa. I can still do the things. One of the craziest things that I've been able to do and my kids laugh at me is it was one of my grandson's ninth birthday, and we went bowling and I was beating more than half of the people there because it's just, you get it in your mind, okay, these many steps, I got to do this, I had to do this. But we had fun, we had a blast. And I was grandpa, I was there, as my grandsons always say papa. So, it's something that will carry you through the emotions, when it's hard. I always think of it, it's like running uphill. But the thing is there's always a top.
There's always a plateau that you will get to and it levels out and you can just take some deep breaths. You can realize I made it through.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 76
Nikki has lost her vision due to a rare autoimmune disease. While she appreciates positive bits of advice and encouragement, she also stays grounded in the struggles she's facing and knows others do, too. She's feeling the loss.
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Episode 75
When a favorite hobby became more difficult for Dianne due to glaucoma, she learned to tap into something else. It turned out to be the ideal thing.
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Episode 74
Peter's sight slowly but steadily worsened over the course of several years. When he had to give up driving, his self-image took a hit. Working through his emotions has helped him cope and adjust.
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Episode 73
Sherry's vision loss has been gradual yet relentless. Asking for help to do things she used to be able to do on her own is a challenge for her, as it is for many. But she's finding some new tools and new ways to do things.
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Episode 72
Carolyn lost much of her vision after several glaucoma surgeries, leaving her feeling angry and discouraged. But a familiar childhood story inspired her to keep trying, even when tasks seemed impossible.
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Episode 71
Learning he would never see again was heartbreaking for Shannon. Embracing what challenged him, Shannon discovered strength in the unfamiliar.
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Episode 70
The week Jessica was diagnosed with an eye disease that would progressively impair her vision, she also found out she had cancer. A few things have helped her continue to feel strong and less isolated.
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Episode 69
Jack's vision has been declining for years. The hardest part for him is that it just keeps changing, so he needs to keep adapting. A routine Jack's wife put in place for the couple has helped him cope and adjust.
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Episode 68
Losing a fair amount of her vision brought with it a series of other losses for Dia. She began to feel depressed and very fearful. However, she gradually started giving herself pep talks and reconnecting with the things that bring her joy.
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Episode 67
Julia had always lived life on her own terms. So, when vision loss meant giving up her car keys, she used a white cane or her husband's arm to guide her steps, and kept going. Still, she noticed a change in how others treated her… until she made a decision she now calls, "the best thing I ever did."
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Episode 66
When the scenario Leighann had feared for years finally happened and glaucoma took much of her vision, it hit her hard. But her desire to keep living meant challenging herself—even when it scared her.
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Episode 65
Michael's vision loss led him down a long, uncomfortable road, discovering what he had to let go of and what he could still hold on to for his future. He continues to challenge himself to try new things.