"What can I do?"
Early in her journey with vision loss, Char was bitter and angry at the world. But one day, a heartfelt conversation helped her turn a corner and, as she put it, "look at vision loss through different eyes."
Hadley
“What can I do”
Char: I was bitter and angry because I couldn't see well, and I wanted to be just like everybody else. And I was pushing people away.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Char: Hello, my name is Char Cook and I live in Portland, Oregon. I am calling you today because I've been very inspired to many of the sound bites that I've been listening to from other people. And today I listened to a lady say, it's not all rainbows and butterflies. And now I'm calling.
I have retinitis pigmentosa, pretty common cause of vision loss. I started to lose my sight when I was seven and I became as a young child and a teenager and a woman in my early twenties. I was bitter and angry at the world, at my family, at myself because I couldn't see well. And I wanted to be just like everybody else. And I was pushing people away. Nobody dared even bring up vision loss or learning to read braille or traveling with the cane because I would bite their heads off.
But I went to the Oregon Commission for the Blind. And I met a gentleman who was blind and he was my counselor. And he cared about me, and I knew that. So one day we were talking, he was in his office, door was shut, and he said to me, with tears running down his cheeks as he was hammering on his desk, “Char, if you don't drop the attitude, you're not going to have the life you think you're going to have.”
I left his office for the first time in my life with a window of hope, believing that I could be blind and I could be happy. And I started to reach for happiness after that. It was an instant. I didn't become a new person in a moment, but I began to look at vision loss through different eyes.
And I began to think, I believe that there is happiness ahead for me. I went on to, been in business quite a few years, been a business owner. But here's what I wanted to say today. I found that giving to someone has brought me great joy. I did a training some years ago to be part of a volunteer on a metro crisis line, and part of that training included how to talk to people with depression. And the point that they made early on was, an antidote for depression, many times can be looking around to see what you can do for someone else. I put that into play, and that has been my M.O. and it's been my mantra. What can I do for someone else? And so many, many times that has given me grace for the day and hope for tomorrow.
So, my way of doing that major way is that I make gallons and gallons of soup. I have three sisters, one sister, and I started during COVID to make 10, 15, 20 gallons of soup in a day and give that away. We did it once a week. We are doing it now every month. It has enriched my life to hand someone a quart of soup, no questions asked, and just know that somebody else might be better for it. Thank you for listening to me.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 99
Rebecca was used to handling things on her own, but vision loss brought anger, frustration, and challenges she hadn't expected. Over time, she found a different way forward, making room for the hard days, accepting help, and finding people who understood.
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Episode 98
As her vision changed, Martha worried her world might start getting smaller. But a trip reminded her that she didn't have to give up the things she loved. Turns out, asking for a little help can take you a long way.
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Episode 97
Vision loss doesn't always happen all at once. For Kara, it keeps changing, which means she's constantly figuring out what she can and can't do. Hear how she's learning to adjust, deal with the frustrations, and take each day as it comes.
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Episode 96
For Carolyn, connecting with people has always come naturally. When vision loss made it harder to recognize faces, she worried about missing those everyday connections. Hear how speaking up about her vision helped others understand what she needed.
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Episode 95
A close call on a walk changed the way Lance thinks about living with vision loss. It reminded him to stay open, keep learning, and keep moving forward.
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Episode 94
For Dottie, losing her vision meant giving up many things, and there was one farewell that hit especially hard. But after making a difficult choice to let go of something she loved, Dottie found a new perspective on what she had lost—and gained.
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Episode 93
Linda always imagined retirement would mean doing the volunteer work she loved, but after losing her eyesight, she thought that chapter of her life was over. Then one memorable hospital visit reminded her she still had exactly what people needed.
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Episode 92
As Mary's vision worsened, the life she'd always known began slipping out of reach. She wasn't sure where to turn or what might help. But a chance meeting changed things for her in ways she now hopes to pass on.
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Episode 91
When Susan began losing vision, she grew fearful about the future. But she found a source of hope and courage.
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Episode 89
The impact vision loss had on Todd's life was profound. Through cycles of anger and depression, he often took it out on those who cared most about him. Then he started channeling those emotions into a new activity, and that made all the difference for him and his family.
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Episode 88
When Pat was diagnosed with an inherited retinal disease, her doctor told her she wouldn't go completely blind, but her life would change forever. And while it's been a hard road, she's found some things along the way that help.
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Episode 87
Debbie has found a place near her that helps unleash her creative streak and her desire to give back to the community, a place where how much she can see doesn't matter.
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