Making Peace with What You Can't Control
After years of living with vision loss, Bill talks about the anger and frustration he felt, how it affected his family, and what's helped him become more patient and accepting of the things he can't change.
Hadley
Making Peace with what You Can’t Control
Bill: I never knew that I had any predilection for eye disease. I guess I was scared and I was disgusted, angry. It was hard. It impacted my family's life.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Bill: My name is Bill Larson. I live in Nevada City, California.
I've been dealing with retinopathy for about thirty-three years. My first diagnosis was central serous retinopathy. One summer in June, my family and I were in Italy visiting my wife's cousins, and I was reading in the afternoon, and all of a sudden I noticed the lines were blurry. And so when I got home, I went to the ophthalmologist and found out that I had this diagnosis.
And I lost quite a bit of vision with that. But then after 10 years, the diagnosis got changed to macular degeneration. And my vision has gotten a little worse.
I'm a disabled vet and I'm a licensed psychotherapist in California. I was just working all the time. So, I'd say at first it was just a shock because I had never heard of this disease at all. I never knew that I had any predilection for eye disease.
And as the time went on and I realized that it wasn't going away, I was, I guess I was scared and I was disgusted, angry. I got back in therapy and did a lot of work with it and tried to adjust. It was hard. It impacted my family's life. The stress impacted my relationship with my daughter.
I had a lot of anger, and I just was tied up in knots. So, there was a lot more anger in my family. But that had to be worked with. And my wife and I had to have some serious talks and do some therapy.
I'll say the thing that really helps me the most, is meditation. I'm a Buddhist practitioner, and I've been meditating for, I don't know what, 30 years or so, every day, often twice a day. And that has given me wisdom and perspective, effective in regard to my life as a whole, and it's also really calmed down my nervous system. So that's been really one of the greatest helps that I have had along the way.
And I've learned to really make a difference between feeling humiliated and feeling humbled. Humiliated has a real judgment to it. And humbled is just a fact of life of having to accept limitation. And that's been really one of the biggest things for me with this whole process is accepting limitations of life.
And I've had to surrender an awful lot of stuff in the last 15 years, particularly. And what I noticed is that I have a lot more patience. Now I have a very laid-back life, much more suitable to my physical and mental condition. Doing pretty well with it. My daughter and I are in a really good place.
I just have a lot more acceptance and patience of letting things go and realizing that I'm not in control and there's nothing I can do about certain things. And that's been extremely helpful, both in my PTSD and in the vision loss.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 89
The impact vision loss had on Todd's life was profound. Through cycles of anger and depression, he often took it out on those who cared most about him. Then he started channeling those emotions into a new activity, and that made all the difference for him and his family.
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Episode 88
When Pat was diagnosed with an inherited retinal disease, her doctor told her she wouldn't go completely blind, but her life would change forever. And while it's been a hard road, she's found some things along the way that help.
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Episode 87
Debbie has found a place near her that helps unleash her creative streak and her desire to give back to the community, a place where how much she can see doesn't matter.
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Episode 86
Doug was filled with uncertainty after realizing that the vision he lost was unlikely to be restored. His anxiety grew as the silver bullet he hoped for never materialized. But he did find things that helped him manage and continue to live his life with purpose.
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Episode 85
When Nancy's vision deteriorated to the point that it was challenging to navigate streets of a neighborhood she walked for decades, it was humbling. But a friend's comment surprised and inspired her. Her perspective started to shift.
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Episode 84
Macular degeneration was no stranger to Valerie, her mom had the condition. Early into her own diagnosis of AMD, treatments worked well and her vision remained stable. Over time, however, she noticed more significant changes, which became increasingly challenging both emotionally and physically. That's when she began to change her perspective, and that change made all the difference.
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Episode 83
Scott went to multiple specialists in search of a cure for his eye disease. He would often sit and just think about going blind. But one day a son's random comment took his mind off of everything and reconnected the family.
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Episode 82
When Elizabeth lost her vision in an auto accident, she went into survival mode. As she began to rebuild her life, she found certain connections and activities helped her focus less on her limitations and more on a renewed sense of purpose.
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Episode 81
When Eddie lost a fair amount of vision, she was scared and didn’t know how she was going to cope. But she found a source of strength and inspiration.
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Episode 80
As Kenneth lost most of his sight to glaucoma, he was feeling increasingly isolated and alone. Then he made a commitment, forcing himself to find ways to stay connected to the rest of the world.
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Episode 79
When Carol Lee was diagnosed with age-related macular degeneration, she was angry and frustrated. Over time, resentment began to fade a bit and the shock wore off. Gradually, her perspective started to shift.
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Episode 78
When Cliff unexpectedly lost a fair amount of his sight, he felt overwhelmed. But with time, he found a way forward.
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