"It's something that carries me through the emotions when it's hard."
The impact vision loss had on Todd's life was profound. Through cycles of anger and depression, he often took it out on those who cared most about him. Then he started channeling those emotions into a new activity, and that made all the difference for him and his family.
Hadley
“It’s something that carries me through the emotions when it’s hard”
Todd: didn't really want to take it the truth that I was losing my vision and I kept denying it. And that just brought me lower.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Todd: Hello, my name is Todd Dugal. I am from Quincy, Illinois and I'm here today just to share my story.
I was a general manager and a partner of ownership running a restaurant and everything was going great. I was able to supply for my family and supply for my kids and just felt like everything was going great. And then I have a severe case of glaucoma and have totally lost vision in one of my eyes, no light or anything. And then the other one, I only have 5% of my optic nerve left. So now all I see is it's cloudy, I'm not able to drive, I'm not able to work. Which was really the hardest thing that I went through was with my vision loss journey, I came to the realization and felt unworthy. I felt useless. I went through a very hard time of anger and depression because of I felt like how am I going to supply for my family?
How am I going to be able to do the things I normally do? And it was difficult. I didn't really want to take it the truth that I was losing my vision and I kept denying it. And that just brought me lower.
One of the greatest things that I had help from was my family. And at that time I was very rude. I ashamedly say I treated them in the worst of ways when they loved me the most, I was turning my back on them. And there was times when I wanted to throw the towel in and say, I'm done. I'm worth more dead than I am alive, just to put it plain and transparent.
It was very hard for me to go through my personal emotions. And one of the things that I started doing was I started just journaling, using my journal on my phone that's audible. And I would just, whatever I was feeling that day, I would journal it, I'd put it down, and then later I could go back and I would listen to it and I'd dwell on it and think, where am I at?
And I've realized that I am still the same person.
And with that strength, I can overcome the emotions and know I am worthy of who I am. I can still function, I can still be a husband, I can still be a father, a grandpa. I can still do the things. One of the craziest things that I've been able to do and my kids laugh at me is it was one of my grandson's ninth birthday, and we went bowling and I was beating more than half of the people there because it's just, you get it in your mind, okay, these many steps, I got to do this, I had to do this. But we had fun, we had a blast. And I was grandpa, I was there, as my grandsons always say papa. So, it's something that will carry you through the emotions, when it's hard. I always think of it, it's like running uphill. But the thing is there's always a top.
There's always a plateau that you will get to and it levels out and you can just take some deep breaths. You can realize I made it through.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 88
When Pat was diagnosed with an inherited retinal disease, her doctor told her she wouldn't go completely blind, but her life would change forever. And while it's been a hard road, she's found some things along the way that help.
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Episode 87
Debbie has found a place near her that helps unleash her creative streak and her desire to give back to the community, a place where how much she can see doesn't matter.
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Episode 86
Doug was filled with uncertainty after realizing that the vision he lost was unlikely to be restored. His anxiety grew as the silver bullet he hoped for never materialized. But he did find things that helped him manage and continue to live his life with purpose.
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Episode 85
When Nancy's vision deteriorated to the point that it was challenging to navigate streets of a neighborhood she walked for decades, it was humbling. But a friend's comment surprised and inspired her. Her perspective started to shift.
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Episode 84
Macular degeneration was no stranger to Valerie, her mom had the condition. Early into her own diagnosis of AMD, treatments worked well and her vision remained stable. Over time, however, she noticed more significant changes, which became increasingly challenging both emotionally and physically. That's when she began to change her perspective, and that change made all the difference.
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Episode 83
Scott went to multiple specialists in search of a cure for his eye disease. He would often sit and just think about going blind. But one day a son's random comment took his mind off of everything and reconnected the family.
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Episode 82
When Elizabeth lost her vision in an auto accident, she went into survival mode. As she began to rebuild her life, she found certain connections and activities helped her focus less on her limitations and more on a renewed sense of purpose.
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Episode 81
When Eddie lost a fair amount of vision, she was scared and didn’t know how she was going to cope. But she found a source of strength and inspiration.
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Episode 80
As Kenneth lost most of his sight to glaucoma, he was feeling increasingly isolated and alone. Then he made a commitment, forcing himself to find ways to stay connected to the rest of the world.
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Episode 79
When Carol Lee was diagnosed with age-related macular degeneration, she was angry and frustrated. Over time, resentment began to fade a bit and the shock wore off. Gradually, her perspective started to shift.
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Episode 78
When Cliff unexpectedly lost a fair amount of his sight, he felt overwhelmed. But with time, he found a way forward.
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Episode 77
Thomas is experiencing many challenges of late, including vision loss. He finds inspiration and hope knowing he's not alone.