"What can I do?"
Early in her journey with vision loss, Char was bitter and angry at the world. But one day, a heartfelt conversation helped her turn a corner and, as she put it, "look at vision loss through different eyes."
Hadley
“What can I do”
Char: I was bitter and angry because I couldn't see well, and I wanted to be just like everybody else. And I was pushing people away.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Char: Hello, my name is Char Cook and I live in Portland, Oregon. I am calling you today because I've been very inspired to many of the sound bites that I've been listening to from other people. And today I listened to a lady say, it's not all rainbows and butterflies. And now I'm calling.
I have retinitis pigmentosa, pretty common cause of vision loss. I started to lose my sight when I was seven and I became as a young child and a teenager and a woman in my early twenties. I was bitter and angry at the world, at my family, at myself because I couldn't see well. And I wanted to be just like everybody else. And I was pushing people away. Nobody dared even bring up vision loss or learning to read braille or traveling with the cane because I would bite their heads off.
But I went to the Oregon Commission for the Blind. And I met a gentleman who was blind and he was my counselor. And he cared about me, and I knew that. So one day we were talking, he was in his office, door was shut, and he said to me, with tears running down his cheeks as he was hammering on his desk, “Char, if you don't drop the attitude, you're not going to have the life you think you're going to have.”
I left his office for the first time in my life with a window of hope, believing that I could be blind and I could be happy. And I started to reach for happiness after that. It was an instant. I didn't become a new person in a moment, but I began to look at vision loss through different eyes.
And I began to think, I believe that there is happiness ahead for me. I went on to, been in business quite a few years, been a business owner. But here's what I wanted to say today. I found that giving to someone has brought me great joy. I did a training some years ago to be part of a volunteer on a metro crisis line, and part of that training included how to talk to people with depression. And the point that they made early on was, an antidote for depression, many times can be looking around to see what you can do for someone else. I put that into play, and that has been my M.O. and it's been my mantra. What can I do for someone else? And so many, many times that has given me grace for the day and hope for tomorrow.
So, my way of doing that major way is that I make gallons and gallons of soup. I have three sisters, one sister, and I started during COVID to make 10, 15, 20 gallons of soup in a day and give that away. We did it once a week. We are doing it now every month. It has enriched my life to hand someone a quart of soup, no questions asked, and just know that somebody else might be better for it. Thank you for listening to me.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
-
Episode 89
The impact vision loss had on Todd's life was profound. Through cycles of anger and depression, he often took it out on those who cared most about him. Then he started channeling those emotions into a new activity, and that made all the difference for him and his family.
-
Episode 88
When Pat was diagnosed with an inherited retinal disease, her doctor told her she wouldn't go completely blind, but her life would change forever. And while it's been a hard road, she's found some things along the way that help.
-
Episode 87
Debbie has found a place near her that helps unleash her creative streak and her desire to give back to the community, a place where how much she can see doesn't matter.
-
Episode 86
Doug was filled with uncertainty after realizing that the vision he lost was unlikely to be restored. His anxiety grew as the silver bullet he hoped for never materialized. But he did find things that helped him manage and continue to live his life with purpose.
-
Episode 85
When Nancy's vision deteriorated to the point that it was challenging to navigate streets of a neighborhood she walked for decades, it was humbling. But a friend's comment surprised and inspired her. Her perspective started to shift.
-
Episode 84
Macular degeneration was no stranger to Valerie, her mom had the condition. Early into her own diagnosis of AMD, treatments worked well and her vision remained stable. Over time, however, she noticed more significant changes, which became increasingly challenging both emotionally and physically. That's when she began to change her perspective, and that change made all the difference.
-
Episode 83
Scott went to multiple specialists in search of a cure for his eye disease. He would often sit and just think about going blind. But one day a son's random comment took his mind off of everything and reconnected the family.
-
Episode 82
When Elizabeth lost her vision in an auto accident, she went into survival mode. As she began to rebuild her life, she found certain connections and activities helped her focus less on her limitations and more on a renewed sense of purpose.
-
Episode 81
When Eddie lost a fair amount of vision, she was scared and didn’t know how she was going to cope. But she found a source of strength and inspiration.
-
Episode 80
As Kenneth lost most of his sight to glaucoma, he was feeling increasingly isolated and alone. Then he made a commitment, forcing himself to find ways to stay connected to the rest of the world.
-
Episode 79
When Carol Lee was diagnosed with age-related macular degeneration, she was angry and frustrated. Over time, resentment began to fade a bit and the shock wore off. Gradually, her perspective started to shift.
-
Episode 78
When Cliff unexpectedly lost a fair amount of his sight, he felt overwhelmed. But with time, he found a way forward.