"I had a lot of anger ... and learned to let that go"
Peter's sight slowly but steadily worsened over the course of several years. When he had to give up driving, his self-image took a hit. Working through his emotions has helped him cope and adjust.
Hadley
I had a lot of anger…and learned to let that go
Peter: The driving was a huge dent in my self-image. It was a rough road and I had a lot of anger about losing my vision but you got to let that go.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Peter: I'm Peter Sherrill from Kohlberg, Wisconsin.
Early on in this journey, I had several eye conditions that conspired to cost me my eyesight. I had a little glaucoma and then I had a corneal disorder, and that ended up with about 30 eye surgeries. But the medicines to treat the corneal disorder make glaucoma worse. And so, everything snowballed out of control.
And my vision loss came on kind of insidiously over a period of three to five years. And for the first couple of years, one eye started failing before the other did. So, I just compensated for it and said, this isn't so bad. I can still deal with this.
But it slowly steadily worsened, and I think my big aha moment came as I was driving home from work one winter night when it was quite dark out, I was going to turn left onto a four lane road, and I knew there was a stop sign at the intersection before I turned, and I kept looking and saying, well, where's the stop sign? I'm not finding it. And I inch forward a little further and a little further. Well, I had missed it, and I was actually in the oncoming lane of the highway. Fortunately, there was only one car, and he simply pulled into the other lane and went right around me. But I thought, okay, that is all I need to know. I could easily have been in a terrible accident.
And at that point I gave up driving. I had to swallow really hard to accept that, but that made a big difference because I'm a physician and that was my watershed moment when I said, this is not going to go on. I got to stop.
But the driving was a huge dent in my self-image. And I was a guy who's used to being able to get things done, make things, fix things, get projects handled, and that isn't the case anymore. It was a rough road, and I had a lot of denial to work around, and I had a lot of anger about losing my vision and bargaining of various sorts, wondering what I could have done to keep this from happening and a lot of depression. But you got to let that go. You got to acknowledge the feeling; let it do what it needs to do and let it pass so you can move on. And that's how I managed to get where I am.
And if anything is a consolation, it crept up on me slowly enough that I could adapt. And I've lived in the same house for long enough that I can pretty much find my way around, but I still bang my head on doorframes occasionally, and I have to say a naughty word and then find the door the right way.
You're going to have bargaining, you're going to have anger, you're going to have depression. This is normal. Don't let it scare you. This is a part of how your body accepts a major change like this. That was a major help for me. I could say, oh, okay, I'm going through anger right now. Fine. I'll let it pass and see what comes next.
Marc: Insights & Sound Bites has made possible by Hadley’s donors. Who understand that hearing someone else’s story can truly make a difference.
You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 73
Sherry's vision loss has been gradual yet relentless. Asking for help to do things she used to be able to do on her own is a challenge for her, as it is for many. But she's finding some new tools and new ways to do things.
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Episode 72
Carolyn lost much of her vision after several glaucoma surgeries, leaving her feeling angry and discouraged. But a familiar childhood story inspired her to keep trying, even when tasks seemed impossible.
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Episode 71
Learning he would never see again was heartbreaking for Shannon. Embracing what challenged him, Shannon discovered strength in the unfamiliar.
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Episode 70
The week Jessica was diagnosed with an eye disease that would progressively impair her vision, she also found out she had cancer. A few things have helped her continue to feel strong and less isolated.
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Episode 69
Jack's vision has been declining for years. The hardest part for him is that it just keeps changing, so he needs to keep adapting. A routine Jack's wife put in place for the couple has helped him cope and adjust.
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Episode 68
Losing a fair amount of her vision brought with it a series of other losses for Dia. She began to feel depressed and very fearful. However, she gradually started giving herself pep talks and reconnecting with the things that bring her joy.
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Episode 67
Julia had always lived life on her own terms. So, when vision loss meant giving up her car keys, she used a white cane or her husband's arm to guide her steps, and kept going. Still, she noticed a change in how others treated her… until she made a decision she now calls, "the best thing I ever did."
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Episode 66
When the scenario Leighann had feared for years finally happened and glaucoma took much of her vision, it hit her hard. But her desire to keep living meant challenging herself—even when it scared her.
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Episode 65
Michael's vision loss led him down a long, uncomfortable road, discovering what he had to let go of and what he could still hold on to for his future. He continues to challenge himself to try new things.
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Episode 64
Tamisue's eyesight has diminished to the point where she feels stuck between two worlds—not enough vision to function as she once did, but not fully blind. She fears her world going completely dark. However, an addition to her life has made a tremendous difference for both her and her family.
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Episode 63
The loss Tom feels regarding his vision is complicated because it is ongoing. Acceptance has not come easy. Through the years, though, he has come to approach life a bit differently.
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Episode 62
Anne's declining vision had her feeling down and sorry for herself. But two gifts—one she gave and one she received—helped turn things around for her.