"I had a lot of anger ... and learned to let that go"
Peter's sight slowly but steadily worsened over the course of several years. When he had to give up driving, his self-image took a hit. Working through his emotions has helped him cope and adjust.
Hadley
I had a lot of anger…and learned to let that go
Peter: The driving was a huge dent in my self-image. It was a rough road and I had a lot of anger about losing my vision but you got to let that go.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Peter: I'm Peter Sherrill from Kohlberg, Wisconsin.
Early on in this journey, I had several eye conditions that conspired to cost me my eyesight. I had a little glaucoma and then I had a corneal disorder, and that ended up with about 30 eye surgeries. But the medicines to treat the corneal disorder make glaucoma worse. And so, everything snowballed out of control.
And my vision loss came on kind of insidiously over a period of three to five years. And for the first couple of years, one eye started failing before the other did. So, I just compensated for it and said, this isn't so bad. I can still deal with this.
But it slowly steadily worsened, and I think my big aha moment came as I was driving home from work one winter night when it was quite dark out, I was going to turn left onto a four lane road, and I knew there was a stop sign at the intersection before I turned, and I kept looking and saying, well, where's the stop sign? I'm not finding it. And I inch forward a little further and a little further. Well, I had missed it, and I was actually in the oncoming lane of the highway. Fortunately, there was only one car, and he simply pulled into the other lane and went right around me. But I thought, okay, that is all I need to know. I could easily have been in a terrible accident.
And at that point I gave up driving. I had to swallow really hard to accept that, but that made a big difference because I'm a physician and that was my watershed moment when I said, this is not going to go on. I got to stop.
But the driving was a huge dent in my self-image. And I was a guy who's used to being able to get things done, make things, fix things, get projects handled, and that isn't the case anymore. It was a rough road, and I had a lot of denial to work around, and I had a lot of anger about losing my vision and bargaining of various sorts, wondering what I could have done to keep this from happening and a lot of depression. But you got to let that go. You got to acknowledge the feeling; let it do what it needs to do and let it pass so you can move on. And that's how I managed to get where I am.
And if anything is a consolation, it crept up on me slowly enough that I could adapt. And I've lived in the same house for long enough that I can pretty much find my way around, but I still bang my head on doorframes occasionally, and I have to say a naughty word and then find the door the right way.
You're going to have bargaining, you're going to have anger, you're going to have depression. This is normal. Don't let it scare you. This is a part of how your body accepts a major change like this. That was a major help for me. I could say, oh, okay, I'm going through anger right now. Fine. I'll let it pass and see what comes next.
Marc: Insights & Sound Bites has made possible by Hadley’s donors. Who understand that hearing someone else’s story can truly make a difference.
You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 61
Glaucoma advanced to the point where Ron found it too difficult to do the volunteer work he loved in retirement. Still, he found a way to pull himself out of the hole he felt he was in and continue to give back.
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Episode 60
Diabetic retinopathy has taken more and more of Charles's vision. To cope, he is learning new approaches to life AND leaning into areas of passion that don't rely on sight.
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Episode 59
Bruce's vision had been decreasing for years. When it reached the point where he was tripping over objects and bumping into people, he felt embarrassed and kept his vision loss a secret. His wife convinced him to try something new.
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Episode 58
Marie grieved the loss of her vision, and still does. Yet, on a sunny August morning, she came to a realization that made all the difference in the world.
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Episode 57
Terry's doctor told him, "There's nothing more we can do. You'll never drive again," and he was distraught. Then he recalled his military days as a Marine and sailor, and that got him through.
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Episode 56
When Emma lost her sight in just a few months, she struggled to cope. She felt alone, her insecurities grew, and self-esteem plummeted. With time, she came to a new understanding and that helped her tremendously.
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Episode 55
Dave calls his experience with vision loss a slow torture. In the face of this, however, he has found a sense of inspiration in explorers, history, and an activity you wouldn't typically connect with vision loss, sightseeing.
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Episode 54
When Albert's vision decreased to the point that he could no longer read print anymore, he found it stressful. But he's found a new source of comfort that helps him quite a bit.
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Episode 53
Jayne can feel isolated living with her eye disease, spending much of her days forcing herself to focus on things that have become blurry. The stress can be overwhelming, causing her to shut down. But there's one area of life that now brings her more joy than ever before.
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Episode 52
When Jeffry lost his sight, he felt a loss of control, a loss of dignity. Then, he began his long road to empowerment, one small goal at a time.
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Episode 51
Marilyn went through bouts of anxiety and depression with her vision loss and still grieves the loss several years into her journey. She also decided to do something for herself which has helped tremendously.
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Episode 50
Learning to live with vision loss wasn't always easy for Pam. But with time, her bad days are fewer.