"I had a lot of anger ... and learned to let that go"
Peter's sight slowly but steadily worsened over the course of several years. When he had to give up driving, his self-image took a hit. Working through his emotions has helped him cope and adjust.
Hadley
I had a lot of anger…and learned to let that go
Peter: The driving was a huge dent in my self-image. It was a rough road and I had a lot of anger about losing my vision but you got to let that go.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Peter: I'm Peter Sherrill from Kohlberg, Wisconsin.
Early on in this journey, I had several eye conditions that conspired to cost me my eyesight. I had a little glaucoma and then I had a corneal disorder, and that ended up with about 30 eye surgeries. But the medicines to treat the corneal disorder make glaucoma worse. And so, everything snowballed out of control.
And my vision loss came on kind of insidiously over a period of three to five years. And for the first couple of years, one eye started failing before the other did. So, I just compensated for it and said, this isn't so bad. I can still deal with this.
But it slowly steadily worsened, and I think my big aha moment came as I was driving home from work one winter night when it was quite dark out, I was going to turn left onto a four lane road, and I knew there was a stop sign at the intersection before I turned, and I kept looking and saying, well, where's the stop sign? I'm not finding it. And I inch forward a little further and a little further. Well, I had missed it, and I was actually in the oncoming lane of the highway. Fortunately, there was only one car, and he simply pulled into the other lane and went right around me. But I thought, okay, that is all I need to know. I could easily have been in a terrible accident.
And at that point I gave up driving. I had to swallow really hard to accept that, but that made a big difference because I'm a physician and that was my watershed moment when I said, this is not going to go on. I got to stop.
But the driving was a huge dent in my self-image. And I was a guy who's used to being able to get things done, make things, fix things, get projects handled, and that isn't the case anymore. It was a rough road, and I had a lot of denial to work around, and I had a lot of anger about losing my vision and bargaining of various sorts, wondering what I could have done to keep this from happening and a lot of depression. But you got to let that go. You got to acknowledge the feeling; let it do what it needs to do and let it pass so you can move on. And that's how I managed to get where I am.
And if anything is a consolation, it crept up on me slowly enough that I could adapt. And I've lived in the same house for long enough that I can pretty much find my way around, but I still bang my head on doorframes occasionally, and I have to say a naughty word and then find the door the right way.
You're going to have bargaining, you're going to have anger, you're going to have depression. This is normal. Don't let it scare you. This is a part of how your body accepts a major change like this. That was a major help for me. I could say, oh, okay, I'm going through anger right now. Fine. I'll let it pass and see what comes next.
Marc: Insights & Sound Bites has made possible by Hadley’s donors. Who understand that hearing someone else’s story can truly make a difference.
You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 39
This week, hear how rediscovering a favorite activity helped Celia find balance as she adjusts to vision loss.
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Episode 38
Denise can struggle with the slow but continuous loss of vision she's facing. But she's found a way to pick herself up on a bad day.
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Episode 37
Listen in as Vanessa shares what has helped keep her from feeling hopeless and defeated due to vision loss.
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Episode 36
Stacy shares with us how being honest about her vision loss with her friends and coworkers has made all the difference in the world.
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Episode 35
For many, having to give up the car keys due to vision loss is traumatic. Deb felt it too. Then, during a call to arrange transportation for herself, a new door opened.
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Episode 34
Listen in as Anne describes how a question posed to her shifted her perspective for living with vision loss.
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Episode 33
This week, William shares how learning to continue with his favorite hobby, even with vision loss, has been therapeutic—and uplifting. Here's the link to his website https://www.blindtruths.org/
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Episode 32
This week Angela shares how she struggled to get around due to vision loss, how she tried to hide it from others, and what helped her.
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Episode 31
This week we hear from Appreciate. She found that a Facebook group, The International Blind Cafe, gave her a source of comfort and encouragement.
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Episode 30
Marian's inner voice had her living in fear. Listen in as she shares how she redirected that voice to be more helpful for her.
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Episode 29
This week Dorrie shares how technology has made all the difference for her in living with vision loss.
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Episode 28
Today we hear from Ed who shares how the source of hope for him has changed with time.
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