"Doing things that scare me... because I want to live"
When the scenario Leighann had feared for years finally happened and glaucoma took much of her vision, it hit her hard. But her desire to keep living meant challenging herself—even when it scared her.
Hadley
Doing things that scare me…because I want to live
Leighann: The first few times I went in the workout room at the Y, I just felt so visible but invisible. You know, like a lot of people don't talk to you when you're blind.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Leighann: My name is Leighann. I'm actually from Collinsville, Illinois, which is in the Saint Louis, Missouri metropolitan area. I was diagnosed with glaucoma when I was 14. I'm now 47. And I was basically afraid of losing my vision ever since I was 14, because the only thing I knew about glaucoma is that people went blind from it.
My right eye kind of progressed more quickly than my left in terms of complications. I had a failed corneal transplant on my right eye back in 2017, and we didn't repeat it because I had a lot of optic nerve damage. The glaucoma was just a lot worse in that eye. So, my left eye was my good eye for a long time.
And I cried every day for two weeks when I realized my vision wasn't getting better and that things were pretty bleak. And what I've been afraid of for decades had finally taken place.
I was teaching indoor cycling before the vision loss. Lifting weights 3 to 5 days a week. I had lost a lot of weight and was maintaining it with exercise, and I thought all of that was over, but I ended up getting linked up with Achilles International. They provide guides for blind and visually impaired runners. I've done a 5K with them, which was an amazing experience, being able to use the tether, so not having my white cane.
I ended up learning to use voiceover on my phone and on a Mac. And basically, I do a lot of things that honestly scare me to death because I want to live.
The first few times I went in the workout room at the Y, I just felt so visible but invisible. You know, like a lot of people don't talk to you when you're blind. And, you know, now that I'm single, I get scared that I won't meet anyone because I won't know if anyone's making eye contact with me or looking at me. But basically, just trying to focus on living the best life that I can.
So, I don't know what the future holds for me, but I know that I intend to fight, and I intend to live my life. So, what I would say to anyone who is facing vision loss is that, you know, you're going to grieve and that's okay, and you're going to have good days and bad days. I still have days when I get frustrated, and I just don't want to be blind anymore. But I just trust that there are resources out there for this, and I'm willing to reach out, and I'm willing to ask for help.
I think one of the hardest things was just being seen as incapable.
I've had somebody grab the strap on the top of my backpack to lead me around. I'm having to learn to speak up and to advocate for myself. And I'm realizing that people that have been blind their whole lives, it has to be exhausting because you're constantly an advocate for yourself.
So, I guess what I would say to anyone listening to this who's not navigating vision loss, but maybe you love someone who is. Help be their ally. Help advocate for them because it's exhausting living this life and having to explain things. Advocate for yourself and prove yourself as a professional and someone who's intelligent. And you know the people that knew me before, I feel like see me is pretty capable, but the people who really didn't know me, I'm the blind lady but I'm hoping to normalize disability and normalize that. People with disabilities can take up space in the world and can exist and can live good and wonderful and full lives. So, I hope this story help someone. Thank you for listening.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 100
As Patricia's vision changed, doing things on her own became harder, and at times she felt like no one really understood. Connecting with others going through many of the same things helped her feel less alone and more like herself again.
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Episode 99
Rebecca was used to handling things on her own, but vision loss brought anger, frustration, and challenges she hadn't expected. Over time, she found a different way forward, making room for the hard days, accepting help, and finding people who understood.
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Episode 98
As her vision changed, Martha worried her world might start getting smaller. But a trip reminded her that she didn't have to give up the things she loved. Turns out, asking for a little help can take you a long way.
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Episode 97
Vision loss doesn't always happen all at once. For Kara, it keeps changing, which means she's constantly figuring out what she can and can't do. Hear how she's learning to adjust, deal with the frustrations, and take each day as it comes.
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Episode 96
For Carolyn, connecting with people has always come naturally. When vision loss made it harder to recognize faces, she worried about missing those everyday connections. Hear how speaking up about her vision helped others understand what she needed.
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Episode 95
A close call on a walk changed the way Lance thinks about living with vision loss. It reminded him to stay open, keep learning, and keep moving forward.
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Episode 94
For Dottie, losing her vision meant giving up many things, and there was one farewell that hit especially hard. But after making a difficult choice to let go of something she loved, Dottie found a new perspective on what she had lost—and gained.
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Episode 93
Linda always imagined retirement would mean doing the volunteer work she loved, but after losing her eyesight, she thought that chapter of her life was over. Then one memorable hospital visit reminded her she still had exactly what people needed.
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Episode 92
As Mary's vision worsened, the life she'd always known began slipping out of reach. She wasn't sure where to turn or what might help. But a chance meeting changed things for her in ways she now hopes to pass on.
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Episode 91
When Susan began losing vision, she grew fearful about the future. But she found a source of hope and courage.
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Episode 90
Early in her journey with vision loss, Char was bitter and angry at the world. But one day, a heartfelt conversation helped her turn a corner and, as she put it, "look at vision loss through different eyes."
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Episode 89
The impact vision loss had on Todd's life was profound. Through cycles of anger and depression, he often took it out on those who cared most about him. Then he started channeling those emotions into a new activity, and that made all the difference for him and his family.
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