"Doing things that scare me... because I want to live"
When the scenario Leighann had feared for years finally happened and glaucoma took much of her vision, it hit her hard. But her desire to keep living meant challenging herself—even when it scared her.
Hadley
Doing things that scare me…because I want to live
Leighann: The first few times I went in the workout room at the Y, I just felt so visible but invisible. You know, like a lot of people don't talk to you when you're blind.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Leighann: My name is Leighann. I'm actually from Collinsville, Illinois, which is in the Saint Louis, Missouri metropolitan area. I was diagnosed with glaucoma when I was 14. I'm now 47. And I was basically afraid of losing my vision ever since I was 14, because the only thing I knew about glaucoma is that people went blind from it.
My right eye kind of progressed more quickly than my left in terms of complications. I had a failed corneal transplant on my right eye back in 2017, and we didn't repeat it because I had a lot of optic nerve damage. The glaucoma was just a lot worse in that eye. So, my left eye was my good eye for a long time.
And I cried every day for two weeks when I realized my vision wasn't getting better and that things were pretty bleak. And what I've been afraid of for decades had finally taken place.
I was teaching indoor cycling before the vision loss. Lifting weights 3 to 5 days a week. I had lost a lot of weight and was maintaining it with exercise, and I thought all of that was over, but I ended up getting linked up with Achilles International. They provide guides for blind and visually impaired runners. I've done a 5K with them, which was an amazing experience, being able to use the tether, so not having my white cane.
I ended up learning to use voiceover on my phone and on a Mac. And basically, I do a lot of things that honestly scare me to death because I want to live.
The first few times I went in the workout room at the Y, I just felt so visible but invisible. You know, like a lot of people don't talk to you when you're blind. And, you know, now that I'm single, I get scared that I won't meet anyone because I won't know if anyone's making eye contact with me or looking at me. But basically, just trying to focus on living the best life that I can.
So, I don't know what the future holds for me, but I know that I intend to fight, and I intend to live my life. So, what I would say to anyone who is facing vision loss is that, you know, you're going to grieve and that's okay, and you're going to have good days and bad days. I still have days when I get frustrated, and I just don't want to be blind anymore. But I just trust that there are resources out there for this, and I'm willing to reach out, and I'm willing to ask for help.
I think one of the hardest things was just being seen as incapable.
I've had somebody grab the strap on the top of my backpack to lead me around. I'm having to learn to speak up and to advocate for myself. And I'm realizing that people that have been blind their whole lives, it has to be exhausting because you're constantly an advocate for yourself.
So, I guess what I would say to anyone listening to this who's not navigating vision loss, but maybe you love someone who is. Help be their ally. Help advocate for them because it's exhausting living this life and having to explain things. Advocate for yourself and prove yourself as a professional and someone who's intelligent. And you know the people that knew me before, I feel like see me is pretty capable, but the people who really didn't know me, I'm the blind lady but I'm hoping to normalize disability and normalize that. People with disabilities can take up space in the world and can exist and can live good and wonderful and full lives. So, I hope this story help someone. Thank you for listening.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 65
Michael's vision loss led him down a long, uncomfortable road, discovering what he had to let go of and what he could still hold on to for his future. He continues to challenge himself to try new things.
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Episode 64
Tamisue's eyesight has diminished to the point where she feels stuck between two worlds—not enough vision to function as she once did, but not fully blind. She fears her world going completely dark. However, an addition to her life has made a tremendous difference for both her and her family.
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Episode 63
The loss Tom feels regarding his vision is complicated because it is ongoing. Acceptance has not come easy. Through the years, though, he has come to approach life a bit differently.
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Episode 62
Anne's declining vision had her feeling down and sorry for herself. But two gifts—one she gave and one she received—helped turn things around for her.
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Episode 61
Glaucoma advanced to the point where Ron found it too difficult to do the volunteer work he loved in retirement. Still, he found a way to pull himself out of the hole he felt he was in and continue to give back.
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Episode 60
Diabetic retinopathy has taken more and more of Charles's vision. To cope, he is learning new approaches to life AND leaning into areas of passion that don't rely on sight.
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Episode 59
Bruce's vision had been decreasing for years. When it reached the point where he was tripping over objects and bumping into people, he felt embarrassed and kept his vision loss a secret. His wife convinced him to try something new.
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Episode 58
Marie grieved the loss of her vision, and still does. Yet, on a sunny August morning, she came to a realization that made all the difference in the world.
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Episode 57
Terry's doctor told him, "There's nothing more we can do. You'll never drive again," and he was distraught. Then he recalled his military days as a Marine and sailor, and that got him through.
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Episode 56
When Emma lost her sight in just a few months, she struggled to cope. She felt alone, her insecurities grew, and self-esteem plummeted. With time, she came to a new understanding and that helped her tremendously.
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Episode 55
Dave calls his experience with vision loss a slow torture. In the face of this, however, he has found a sense of inspiration in explorers, history, and an activity you wouldn't typically connect with vision loss, sightseeing.
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Episode 54
When Albert's vision decreased to the point that he could no longer read print anymore, he found it stressful. But he's found a new source of comfort that helps him quite a bit.