"It's something that carries me through the emotions when it's hard."
The impact vision loss had on Todd's life was profound. Through cycles of anger and depression, he often took it out on those who cared most about him. Then he started channeling those emotions into a new activity, and that made all the difference for him and his family.
Hadley
“It’s something that carries me through the emotions when it’s hard”
Todd: didn't really want to take it the truth that I was losing my vision and I kept denying it. And that just brought me lower.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Todd: Hello, my name is Todd Dugal. I am from Quincy, Illinois and I'm here today just to share my story.
I was a general manager and a partner of ownership running a restaurant and everything was going great. I was able to supply for my family and supply for my kids and just felt like everything was going great. And then I have a severe case of glaucoma and have totally lost vision in one of my eyes, no light or anything. And then the other one, I only have 5% of my optic nerve left. So now all I see is it's cloudy, I'm not able to drive, I'm not able to work. Which was really the hardest thing that I went through was with my vision loss journey, I came to the realization and felt unworthy. I felt useless. I went through a very hard time of anger and depression because of I felt like how am I going to supply for my family?
How am I going to be able to do the things I normally do? And it was difficult. I didn't really want to take it the truth that I was losing my vision and I kept denying it. And that just brought me lower.
One of the greatest things that I had help from was my family. And at that time I was very rude. I ashamedly say I treated them in the worst of ways when they loved me the most, I was turning my back on them. And there was times when I wanted to throw the towel in and say, I'm done. I'm worth more dead than I am alive, just to put it plain and transparent.
It was very hard for me to go through my personal emotions. And one of the things that I started doing was I started just journaling, using my journal on my phone that's audible. And I would just, whatever I was feeling that day, I would journal it, I'd put it down, and then later I could go back and I would listen to it and I'd dwell on it and think, where am I at?
And I've realized that I am still the same person.
And with that strength, I can overcome the emotions and know I am worthy of who I am. I can still function, I can still be a husband, I can still be a father, a grandpa. I can still do the things. One of the craziest things that I've been able to do and my kids laugh at me is it was one of my grandson's ninth birthday, and we went bowling and I was beating more than half of the people there because it's just, you get it in your mind, okay, these many steps, I got to do this, I had to do this. But we had fun, we had a blast. And I was grandpa, I was there, as my grandsons always say papa. So, it's something that will carry you through the emotions, when it's hard. I always think of it, it's like running uphill. But the thing is there's always a top.
There's always a plateau that you will get to and it levels out and you can just take some deep breaths. You can realize I made it through.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 52
When Jeffry lost his sight, he felt a loss of control, a loss of dignity. Then, he began his long road to empowerment, one small goal at a time.
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Episode 51
Marilyn went through bouts of anxiety and depression with her vision loss and still grieves the loss several years into her journey. She also decided to do something for herself which has helped tremendously.
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Episode 50
Learning to live with vision loss wasn't always easy for Pam. But with time, her bad days are fewer.
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Episode 49
Jennifer didn't know what to do or who to go to for help as her vision was fading. Then, by chance, she found some help. She found some direction.
The book referenced in this episode is "Macular Degeneration: The Complete Guide to Saving and Maximizing Your Sight"
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Episode 48
When Carmel heard a Hadley podcast, it helped her understand what had been happening to her along with her vision loss—something she had nicknamed her "phantom vision."
Carmel mentions an episode of our sister podcast, Hadley Presents. Here's a link to that episode on Vision Loss and Charles Bonnet Syndrome.
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Episode 47
It was tough for Linda to give up driving and she was heartbroken when reading became difficult. She felt her world was shrinking. But then she asked for help.
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Episode 46
Ashia felt all alone in her vision loss. No one around her knew what she was going through. Then she found something that gave her hope.
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Episode 45
Dennis found that many aspects of life with vision loss can be a struggle. Then he found something that turned that around.
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Episode 44
Judy has lived with progressive vision loss for many years. She's found a way that helps her cope and adjust.
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Episode 43
For years Bill hid his vision loss from others. He was self-conscious about it. Then, he decided to open up.
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Episode 42
For Cynthia, every story shared helps her on her own journey with vision loss.
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Episode 41
Living with low vision meant Karen was constantly explaining to others what she can and can't see. Then she found a tool that has made a big difference.