"My phantom vision"
When Carmel heard a Hadley podcast, it helped her understand what had been happening to her along with her vision loss—something she had nicknamed her "phantom vision."
Carmel mentions an episode of our sister podcast, Hadley Presents. Here's a link to that episode on Vision Loss and Charles Bonnet Syndrome.
Hadley
My phantom vision
Presented by Douglas Walker
Carmel: I was losing slowly my vision. I thought perhaps my brain was just doing what their non-existent limb seemed to be doing.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Carmel: My name is Carmel Anderson from Chicago, Illinois. It's early morning in Chicago, and I just listened to one of the podcast about Charles Bonnet syndrome.
I have lived at supported living places I lived with multiple disabled people, a couple of whom had or were all amputees. I had heard the stories of many amputees who would at times at the 20 years of not having a limb reach down to scratch, a thought that hadn't been there for 20 years.
I never had Charles Bonnet Syndrome at any time or noticed it intermingled within the vision that I had until I got and was diagnosed on the level of severe glaucoma.
I asked myself, is that what's happening to me? And my theory was because I was losing slowly my vision, and it will one day be completely gone. I thought perhaps my brain was just doing what their non-existent limb seemed to be doing.
I called it phantom vision. And this this is the first time I've ever known that it had a proper name, that it was a legitimate syndrome and a condition amongst visually impaired people.
But it seemed to me to make so much sense, and I would never have made that connection if I hadn't had the joy of seeing the courage of multiple disabled young adults. Thank you for letting me hear what I know as Charles Bonnet Syndrome, but which I will always fondly identify as my phantom vision.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 68
Losing a fair amount of her vision brought with it a series of other losses for Dia. She began to feel depressed and very fearful. However, she gradually started giving herself pep talks and reconnecting with the things that bring her joy.
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Episode 67
Julia had always lived life on her own terms. So, when vision loss meant giving up her car keys, she used a white cane or her husband's arm to guide her steps, and kept going. Still, she noticed a change in how others treated her… until she made a decision she now calls, "the best thing I ever did."
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Episode 66
When the scenario Leighann had feared for years finally happened and glaucoma took much of her vision, it hit her hard. But her desire to keep living meant challenging herself—even when it scared her.
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Episode 65
Michael's vision loss led him down a long, uncomfortable road, discovering what he had to let go of and what he could still hold on to for his future. He continues to challenge himself to try new things.
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Episode 64
Tamisue's eyesight has diminished to the point where she feels stuck between two worlds—not enough vision to function as she once did, but not fully blind. She fears her world going completely dark. However, an addition to her life has made a tremendous difference for both her and her family.
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Episode 63
The loss Tom feels regarding his vision is complicated because it is ongoing. Acceptance has not come easy. Through the years, though, he has come to approach life a bit differently.
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Episode 62
Anne's declining vision had her feeling down and sorry for herself. But two gifts—one she gave and one she received—helped turn things around for her.
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Episode 61
Glaucoma advanced to the point where Ron found it too difficult to do the volunteer work he loved in retirement. Still, he found a way to pull himself out of the hole he felt he was in and continue to give back.
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Episode 60
Diabetic retinopathy has taken more and more of Charles's vision. To cope, he is learning new approaches to life AND leaning into areas of passion that don't rely on sight.
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Episode 59
Bruce's vision had been decreasing for years. When it reached the point where he was tripping over objects and bumping into people, he felt embarrassed and kept his vision loss a secret. His wife convinced him to try something new.
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Episode 58
Marie grieved the loss of her vision, and still does. Yet, on a sunny August morning, she came to a realization that made all the difference in the world.
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Episode 57
Terry's doctor told him, "There's nothing more we can do. You'll never drive again," and he was distraught. Then he recalled his military days as a Marine and sailor, and that got him through.