"What can I do?"
Early in her journey with vision loss, Char was bitter and angry at the world. But one day, a heartfelt conversation helped her turn a corner and, as she put it, "look at vision loss through different eyes."
Hadley
“What can I do”
Char: I was bitter and angry because I couldn't see well, and I wanted to be just like everybody else. And I was pushing people away.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Char: Hello, my name is Char Cook and I live in Portland, Oregon. I am calling you today because I've been very inspired to many of the sound bites that I've been listening to from other people. And today I listened to a lady say, it's not all rainbows and butterflies. And now I'm calling.
I have retinitis pigmentosa, pretty common cause of vision loss. I started to lose my sight when I was seven and I became as a young child and a teenager and a woman in my early twenties. I was bitter and angry at the world, at my family, at myself because I couldn't see well. And I wanted to be just like everybody else. And I was pushing people away. Nobody dared even bring up vision loss or learning to read braille or traveling with the cane because I would bite their heads off.
But I went to the Oregon Commission for the Blind. And I met a gentleman who was blind and he was my counselor. And he cared about me, and I knew that. So one day we were talking, he was in his office, door was shut, and he said to me, with tears running down his cheeks as he was hammering on his desk, “Char, if you don't drop the attitude, you're not going to have the life you think you're going to have.”
I left his office for the first time in my life with a window of hope, believing that I could be blind and I could be happy. And I started to reach for happiness after that. It was an instant. I didn't become a new person in a moment, but I began to look at vision loss through different eyes.
And I began to think, I believe that there is happiness ahead for me. I went on to, been in business quite a few years, been a business owner. But here's what I wanted to say today. I found that giving to someone has brought me great joy. I did a training some years ago to be part of a volunteer on a metro crisis line, and part of that training included how to talk to people with depression. And the point that they made early on was, an antidote for depression, many times can be looking around to see what you can do for someone else. I put that into play, and that has been my M.O. and it's been my mantra. What can I do for someone else? And so many, many times that has given me grace for the day and hope for tomorrow.
So, my way of doing that major way is that I make gallons and gallons of soup. I have three sisters, one sister, and I started during COVID to make 10, 15, 20 gallons of soup in a day and give that away. We did it once a week. We are doing it now every month. It has enriched my life to hand someone a quart of soup, no questions asked, and just know that somebody else might be better for it. Thank you for listening to me.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 65
Michael's vision loss led him down a long, uncomfortable road, discovering what he had to let go of and what he could still hold on to for his future. He continues to challenge himself to try new things.
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Episode 64
Tamisue's eyesight has diminished to the point where she feels stuck between two worlds—not enough vision to function as she once did, but not fully blind. She fears her world going completely dark. However, an addition to her life has made a tremendous difference for both her and her family.
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Episode 63
The loss Tom feels regarding his vision is complicated because it is ongoing. Acceptance has not come easy. Through the years, though, he has come to approach life a bit differently.
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Episode 62
Anne's declining vision had her feeling down and sorry for herself. But two gifts—one she gave and one she received—helped turn things around for her.
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Episode 61
Glaucoma advanced to the point where Ron found it too difficult to do the volunteer work he loved in retirement. Still, he found a way to pull himself out of the hole he felt he was in and continue to give back.
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Episode 60
Diabetic retinopathy has taken more and more of Charles's vision. To cope, he is learning new approaches to life AND leaning into areas of passion that don't rely on sight.
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Episode 59
Bruce's vision had been decreasing for years. When it reached the point where he was tripping over objects and bumping into people, he felt embarrassed and kept his vision loss a secret. His wife convinced him to try something new.
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Episode 58
Marie grieved the loss of her vision, and still does. Yet, on a sunny August morning, she came to a realization that made all the difference in the world.
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Episode 57
Terry's doctor told him, "There's nothing more we can do. You'll never drive again," and he was distraught. Then he recalled his military days as a Marine and sailor, and that got him through.
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Episode 56
When Emma lost her sight in just a few months, she struggled to cope. She felt alone, her insecurities grew, and self-esteem plummeted. With time, she came to a new understanding and that helped her tremendously.
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Episode 55
Dave calls his experience with vision loss a slow torture. In the face of this, however, he has found a sense of inspiration in explorers, history, and an activity you wouldn't typically connect with vision loss, sightseeing.
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Episode 54
When Albert's vision decreased to the point that he could no longer read print anymore, he found it stressful. But he's found a new source of comfort that helps him quite a bit.