"You start doing what you can"
Marie grieved the loss of her vision, and still does. Yet, on a sunny August morning, she came to a realization that made all the difference in the world.
Hadley
You start doing what you can
Marie: I allowed myself to cry quite a bit the first couple months. And then, I got up one morning, came out the sun shining. And I said to myself, I don't want to die. So, once you make that decision, then you just have to maintain and or move forward right?
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Marie: Hi, my name is Marie Woodcox and I live in the Detroit area in Michigan.
So, in 2012 I lost a vision in one eye. Most of the vision in one eye due to NAION.
And they told me at the time, “Well, you know, 20% of the people that this happens if they lose it in one eye within five years, they'll lose it in the other eye.” And I said 20%. Well, that means 80% don't. I'm good, right? You can get by with one eye. I continue to work. I continue to drive. It did impact my night driving, but it wasn't a huge inconvenience.
And then 4 1/2 years later, I lost vision, my other eye. I am not one of the 80 big masses. I am one of the top 20. Because it happens overnight. It was no warning.
I kept seeing a moving gray blob in that eye. So when I got to work, I texted my ophthalmologist office and I said, I don't know if I should come in, but I have a big grey blob in my field of vision in my right eye.
So, I did not drive home. I called my husband to come and get me, and then I called a friend of mine to go with him to get my car. So, it got all you know and I have that driven since. This was the car I bought to take me into retirement. I got all the fancy stuff on it and anything I wanted, and we'll just drive this until the wheels fall off or until I do either one.
I used to go out and sit in that car and just cry. Cry in the shower, I allowed myself to cry quite a bit the first couple months and then my son bought my car. And then you know, I got up one morning, came out the sun shining because this happened in August and the sun shining. It's blue skies and green grass and I can see all that. And I said to myself, and I distinctly remember, it was almost like somebody talking to me. I was like, “wow, I don't want to die.”
Oh, all right. So, once you make that decision, then you just have to maintain and or move forward, right?
I told my son, that I thought I'd never get off that couch, he said. Well, I didn't either…okay.
So, you know, you just start doing what you can. I remember the first thing I did when I was sitting on the couch one day and my husband at work, and I'm thinking, I should dump that new bag of cat food into the cat food container and that was for me, it was a huge thing to do and you know what I did it. I did not ruin anything. I had to sweep up a little bit with nothing major and that's it. You just do one thing at a time and keep testing your limits.
Probably the biggest help has been kind of a personal thing in that with any kind of technology that's been recommended to me, I will play with it until I find out of either helps or it doesn't.
I am basically a gadget person. So, when I used to knit, I bought every single gadget that could possibly help you in knitting.
And so now with this, I just pour all my concentration pretty much into technology. So, I pretty much tried to get the most out of my iPhone. I listen to podcasts on my iPhone that talk about accessible technology, and it just builds up a base.
It's helped me. It's normalized things for me. I can keep the calendar, so I know what I'm doing. I don't have to ask for help for most of that stuff. I was recommended all these different transportation services. I use them whenever I can.
So even on the days when I feel like that, like a little frustrated and I wish I had my normal life back, I'll open my phone and play a game for an hour because I can and because I know how to do it.
And it just..you can say it makes my life better, but it does help. It does help.
Because my basic attitude is you don't have to just sit here. It is massively inconvenient not to be able to just go out and get in the car and go someplace. So, I'm still grieving that part of my life.
Around that same morning when I was looking out the window and I said well, I don't want to die. I also thought in that same thought session I said I must be the only blind person in Michigan, which is absolutely not true, you know. You know, once you're in that community, it becomes totally different. And since I have allowed myself to become more involved with that community, there's great people, great people that I meet every single day.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 81
When Eddie lost a fair amount of vision, she was scared and didn’t know how she was going to cope. But she found a source of strength and inspiration.
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Episode 80
As Kenneth lost most of his sight to glaucoma, he was feeling increasingly isolated and alone. Then he made a commitment, forcing himself to find ways to stay connected to the rest of the world.
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Episode 79
When Carol Lee was diagnosed with age-related macular degeneration, she was angry and frustrated. Over time, resentment began to fade a bit and the shock wore off. Gradually, her perspective started to shift.
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Episode 78
When Cliff unexpectedly lost a fair amount of his sight, he felt overwhelmed. But with time, he found a way forward.
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Episode 77
Thomas is experiencing many challenges of late, including vision loss. He finds inspiration and hope knowing he's not alone.
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Episode 76
Nikki has lost her vision due to a rare autoimmune disease. While she appreciates positive bits of advice and encouragement, she also stays grounded in the struggles she's facing and knows others do, too. She's feeling the loss.
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Episode 75
When a favorite hobby became more difficult for Dianne due to glaucoma, she learned to tap into something else. It turned out to be the ideal thing.
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Episode 74
Peter's sight slowly but steadily worsened over the course of several years. When he had to give up driving, his self-image took a hit. Working through his emotions has helped him cope and adjust.
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Episode 73
Sherry's vision loss has been gradual yet relentless. Asking for help to do things she used to be able to do on her own is a challenge for her, as it is for many. But she's finding some new tools and new ways to do things.
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Episode 72
Carolyn lost much of her vision after several glaucoma surgeries, leaving her feeling angry and discouraged. But a familiar childhood story inspired her to keep trying, even when tasks seemed impossible.
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Episode 71
Learning he would never see again was heartbreaking for Shannon. Embracing what challenged him, Shannon discovered strength in the unfamiliar.
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Episode 70
The week Jessica was diagnosed with an eye disease that would progressively impair her vision, she also found out she had cancer. A few things have helped her continue to feel strong and less isolated.