"You start doing what you can"
Marie grieved the loss of her vision, and still does. Yet, on a sunny August morning, she came to a realization that made all the difference in the world.
Hadley
You start doing what you can
Marie: I allowed myself to cry quite a bit the first couple months. And then, I got up one morning, came out the sun shining. And I said to myself, I don't want to die. So, once you make that decision, then you just have to maintain and or move forward right?
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Marie: Hi, my name is Marie Woodcox and I live in the Detroit area in Michigan.
So, in 2012 I lost a vision in one eye. Most of the vision in one eye due to NAION.
And they told me at the time, “Well, you know, 20% of the people that this happens if they lose it in one eye within five years, they'll lose it in the other eye.” And I said 20%. Well, that means 80% don't. I'm good, right? You can get by with one eye. I continue to work. I continue to drive. It did impact my night driving, but it wasn't a huge inconvenience.
And then 4 1/2 years later, I lost vision, my other eye. I am not one of the 80 big masses. I am one of the top 20. Because it happens overnight. It was no warning.
I kept seeing a moving gray blob in that eye. So when I got to work, I texted my ophthalmologist office and I said, I don't know if I should come in, but I have a big grey blob in my field of vision in my right eye.
So, I did not drive home. I called my husband to come and get me, and then I called a friend of mine to go with him to get my car. So, it got all you know and I have that driven since. This was the car I bought to take me into retirement. I got all the fancy stuff on it and anything I wanted, and we'll just drive this until the wheels fall off or until I do either one.
I used to go out and sit in that car and just cry. Cry in the shower, I allowed myself to cry quite a bit the first couple months and then my son bought my car. And then you know, I got up one morning, came out the sun shining because this happened in August and the sun shining. It's blue skies and green grass and I can see all that. And I said to myself, and I distinctly remember, it was almost like somebody talking to me. I was like, “wow, I don't want to die.”
Oh, all right. So, once you make that decision, then you just have to maintain and or move forward, right?
I told my son, that I thought I'd never get off that couch, he said. Well, I didn't either…okay.
So, you know, you just start doing what you can. I remember the first thing I did when I was sitting on the couch one day and my husband at work, and I'm thinking, I should dump that new bag of cat food into the cat food container and that was for me, it was a huge thing to do and you know what I did it. I did not ruin anything. I had to sweep up a little bit with nothing major and that's it. You just do one thing at a time and keep testing your limits.
Probably the biggest help has been kind of a personal thing in that with any kind of technology that's been recommended to me, I will play with it until I find out of either helps or it doesn't.
I am basically a gadget person. So, when I used to knit, I bought every single gadget that could possibly help you in knitting.
And so now with this, I just pour all my concentration pretty much into technology. So, I pretty much tried to get the most out of my iPhone. I listen to podcasts on my iPhone that talk about accessible technology, and it just builds up a base.
It's helped me. It's normalized things for me. I can keep the calendar, so I know what I'm doing. I don't have to ask for help for most of that stuff. I was recommended all these different transportation services. I use them whenever I can.
So even on the days when I feel like that, like a little frustrated and I wish I had my normal life back, I'll open my phone and play a game for an hour because I can and because I know how to do it.
And it just..you can say it makes my life better, but it does help. It does help.
Because my basic attitude is you don't have to just sit here. It is massively inconvenient not to be able to just go out and get in the car and go someplace. So, I'm still grieving that part of my life.
Around that same morning when I was looking out the window and I said well, I don't want to die. I also thought in that same thought session I said I must be the only blind person in Michigan, which is absolutely not true, you know. You know, once you're in that community, it becomes totally different. And since I have allowed myself to become more involved with that community, there's great people, great people that I meet every single day.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
-
Episode 57
Terry's doctor told him, "There's nothing more we can do. You'll never drive again," and he was distraught. Then he recalled his military days as a Marine and sailor, and that got him through.
-
Episode 56
When Emma lost her sight in just a few months, she struggled to cope. She felt alone, her insecurities grew, and self-esteem plummeted. With time, she came to a new understanding and that helped her tremendously.
-
Episode 55
Dave calls his experience with vision loss a slow torture. In the face of this, however, he has found a sense of inspiration in explorers, history, and an activity you wouldn't typically connect with vision loss, sightseeing.
-
Episode 54
When Albert's vision decreased to the point that he could no longer read print anymore, he found it stressful. But he's found a new source of comfort that helps him quite a bit.
-
Episode 53
Jayne can feel isolated living with her eye disease, spending much of her days forcing herself to focus on things that have become blurry. The stress can be overwhelming, causing her to shut down. But there's one area of life that now brings her more joy than ever before.
-
Episode 52
When Jeffry lost his sight, he felt a loss of control, a loss of dignity. Then, he began his long road to empowerment, one small goal at a time.
-
Episode 51
Marilyn went through bouts of anxiety and depression with her vision loss and still grieves the loss several years into her journey. She also decided to do something for herself which has helped tremendously.
-
Episode 50
Learning to live with vision loss wasn't always easy for Pam. But with time, her bad days are fewer.
-
Episode 49
Jennifer didn't know what to do or who to go to for help as her vision was fading. Then, by chance, she found some help. She found some direction.
The book referenced in this episode is "Macular Degeneration: The Complete Guide to Saving and Maximizing Your Sight"
-
Episode 48
When Carmel heard a Hadley podcast, it helped her understand what had been happening to her along with her vision loss—something she had nicknamed her "phantom vision."
Carmel mentions an episode of our sister podcast, Hadley Presents. Here's a link to that episode on Vision Loss and Charles Bonnet Syndrome.
-
Episode 47
It was tough for Linda to give up driving and she was heartbroken when reading became difficult. She felt her world was shrinking. But then she asked for help.
-
Episode 46
Ashia felt all alone in her vision loss. No one around her knew what she was going through. Then she found something that gave her hope.