Making Peace with What You Can't Control
After years of living with vision loss, Bill talks about the anger and frustration he felt, how it affected his family, and what's helped him become more patient and accepting of the things he can't change.
Hadley
Making Peace with what You Can’t Control
Bill: I never knew that I had any predilection for eye disease. I guess I was scared and I was disgusted, angry. It was hard. It impacted my family's life.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Bill: My name is Bill Larson. I live in Nevada City, California.
I've been dealing with retinopathy for about thirty-three years. My first diagnosis was central serous retinopathy. One summer in June, my family and I were in Italy visiting my wife's cousins, and I was reading in the afternoon, and all of a sudden I noticed the lines were blurry. And so when I got home, I went to the ophthalmologist and found out that I had this diagnosis.
And I lost quite a bit of vision with that. But then after 10 years, the diagnosis got changed to macular degeneration. And my vision has gotten a little worse.
I'm a disabled vet and I'm a licensed psychotherapist in California. I was just working all the time. So, I'd say at first it was just a shock because I had never heard of this disease at all. I never knew that I had any predilection for eye disease.
And as the time went on and I realized that it wasn't going away, I was, I guess I was scared and I was disgusted, angry. I got back in therapy and did a lot of work with it and tried to adjust. It was hard. It impacted my family's life. The stress impacted my relationship with my daughter.
I had a lot of anger, and I just was tied up in knots. So, there was a lot more anger in my family. But that had to be worked with. And my wife and I had to have some serious talks and do some therapy.
I'll say the thing that really helps me the most, is meditation. I'm a Buddhist practitioner, and I've been meditating for, I don't know what, 30 years or so, every day, often twice a day. And that has given me wisdom and perspective, effective in regard to my life as a whole, and it's also really calmed down my nervous system. So that's been really one of the greatest helps that I have had along the way.
And I've learned to really make a difference between feeling humiliated and feeling humbled. Humiliated has a real judgment to it. And humbled is just a fact of life of having to accept limitation. And that's been really one of the biggest things for me with this whole process is accepting limitations of life.
And I've had to surrender an awful lot of stuff in the last 15 years, particularly. And what I noticed is that I have a lot more patience. Now I have a very laid-back life, much more suitable to my physical and mental condition. Doing pretty well with it. My daughter and I are in a really good place.
I just have a lot more acceptance and patience of letting things go and realizing that I'm not in control and there's nothing I can do about certain things. And that's been extremely helpful, both in my PTSD and in the vision loss.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 65
Michael's vision loss led him down a long, uncomfortable road, discovering what he had to let go of and what he could still hold on to for his future. He continues to challenge himself to try new things.
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Episode 64
Tamisue's eyesight has diminished to the point where she feels stuck between two worlds—not enough vision to function as she once did, but not fully blind. She fears her world going completely dark. However, an addition to her life has made a tremendous difference for both her and her family.
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Episode 63
The loss Tom feels regarding his vision is complicated because it is ongoing. Acceptance has not come easy. Through the years, though, he has come to approach life a bit differently.
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Episode 62
Anne's declining vision had her feeling down and sorry for herself. But two gifts—one she gave and one she received—helped turn things around for her.
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Episode 61
Glaucoma advanced to the point where Ron found it too difficult to do the volunteer work he loved in retirement. Still, he found a way to pull himself out of the hole he felt he was in and continue to give back.
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Episode 60
Diabetic retinopathy has taken more and more of Charles's vision. To cope, he is learning new approaches to life AND leaning into areas of passion that don't rely on sight.
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Episode 59
Bruce's vision had been decreasing for years. When it reached the point where he was tripping over objects and bumping into people, he felt embarrassed and kept his vision loss a secret. His wife convinced him to try something new.
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Episode 58
Marie grieved the loss of her vision, and still does. Yet, on a sunny August morning, she came to a realization that made all the difference in the world.
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Episode 57
Terry's doctor told him, "There's nothing more we can do. You'll never drive again," and he was distraught. Then he recalled his military days as a Marine and sailor, and that got him through.
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Episode 56
When Emma lost her sight in just a few months, she struggled to cope. She felt alone, her insecurities grew, and self-esteem plummeted. With time, she came to a new understanding and that helped her tremendously.
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Episode 55
Dave calls his experience with vision loss a slow torture. In the face of this, however, he has found a sense of inspiration in explorers, history, and an activity you wouldn't typically connect with vision loss, sightseeing.
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Episode 54
When Albert's vision decreased to the point that he could no longer read print anymore, he found it stressful. But he's found a new source of comfort that helps him quite a bit.
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