Making Peace with What You Can't Control
After years of living with vision loss, Bill talks about the anger and frustration he felt, how it affected his family, and what's helped him become more patient and accepting of the things he can't change.
Hadley
Making Peace with what You Can’t Control
Bill: I never knew that I had any predilection for eye disease. I guess I was scared and I was disgusted, angry. It was hard. It impacted my family's life.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Bill: My name is Bill Larson. I live in Nevada City, California.
I've been dealing with retinopathy for about thirty-three years. My first diagnosis was central serous retinopathy. One summer in June, my family and I were in Italy visiting my wife's cousins, and I was reading in the afternoon, and all of a sudden I noticed the lines were blurry. And so when I got home, I went to the ophthalmologist and found out that I had this diagnosis.
And I lost quite a bit of vision with that. But then after 10 years, the diagnosis got changed to macular degeneration. And my vision has gotten a little worse.
I'm a disabled vet and I'm a licensed psychotherapist in California. I was just working all the time. So, I'd say at first it was just a shock because I had never heard of this disease at all. I never knew that I had any predilection for eye disease.
And as the time went on and I realized that it wasn't going away, I was, I guess I was scared and I was disgusted, angry. I got back in therapy and did a lot of work with it and tried to adjust. It was hard. It impacted my family's life. The stress impacted my relationship with my daughter.
I had a lot of anger, and I just was tied up in knots. So, there was a lot more anger in my family. But that had to be worked with. And my wife and I had to have some serious talks and do some therapy.
I'll say the thing that really helps me the most, is meditation. I'm a Buddhist practitioner, and I've been meditating for, I don't know what, 30 years or so, every day, often twice a day. And that has given me wisdom and perspective, effective in regard to my life as a whole, and it's also really calmed down my nervous system. So that's been really one of the greatest helps that I have had along the way.
And I've learned to really make a difference between feeling humiliated and feeling humbled. Humiliated has a real judgment to it. And humbled is just a fact of life of having to accept limitation. And that's been really one of the biggest things for me with this whole process is accepting limitations of life.
And I've had to surrender an awful lot of stuff in the last 15 years, particularly. And what I noticed is that I have a lot more patience. Now I have a very laid-back life, much more suitable to my physical and mental condition. Doing pretty well with it. My daughter and I are in a really good place.
I just have a lot more acceptance and patience of letting things go and realizing that I'm not in control and there's nothing I can do about certain things. And that's been extremely helpful, both in my PTSD and in the vision loss.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
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Episode 53
Jayne can feel isolated living with her eye disease, spending much of her days forcing herself to focus on things that have become blurry. The stress can be overwhelming, causing her to shut down. But there's one area of life that now brings her more joy than ever before.
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Episode 52
When Jeffry lost his sight, he felt a loss of control, a loss of dignity. Then, he began his long road to empowerment, one small goal at a time.
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Episode 51
Marilyn went through bouts of anxiety and depression with her vision loss and still grieves the loss several years into her journey. She also decided to do something for herself which has helped tremendously.
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Episode 50
Learning to live with vision loss wasn't always easy for Pam. But with time, her bad days are fewer.
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Episode 49
Jennifer didn't know what to do or who to go to for help as her vision was fading. Then, by chance, she found some help. She found some direction.
The book referenced in this episode is "Macular Degeneration: The Complete Guide to Saving and Maximizing Your Sight"
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Episode 48
When Carmel heard a Hadley podcast, it helped her understand what had been happening to her along with her vision loss—something she had nicknamed her "phantom vision."
Carmel mentions an episode of our sister podcast, Hadley Presents. Here's a link to that episode on Vision Loss and Charles Bonnet Syndrome.
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Episode 47
It was tough for Linda to give up driving and she was heartbroken when reading became difficult. She felt her world was shrinking. But then she asked for help.
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Episode 46
Ashia felt all alone in her vision loss. No one around her knew what she was going through. Then she found something that gave her hope.
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Episode 45
Dennis found that many aspects of life with vision loss can be a struggle. Then he found something that turned that around.
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Episode 44
Judy has lived with progressive vision loss for many years. She's found a way that helps her cope and adjust.
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Episode 43
For years Bill hid his vision loss from others. He was self-conscious about it. Then, he decided to open up.
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Episode 42
For Cynthia, every story shared helps her on her own journey with vision loss.
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