"Be careful what I tell myself"
Marian's inner voice had her living in fear. Listen in as she shares how she redirected that voice to be more helpful for her.
Hadley
Be Careful What I Tell Myself
Presented by Douglas Walker
Douglas: Hello, and welcome to the Insights and Sound Bites podcast, where people facing vision loss share insights about what has helped them cope and adjust.
Marian McKee: And a little tiny voice said, I just don’t want to live this way.
Douglas: My name is Douglas Walker. Today we’ll hear from Marian. Marian will share with us just how important it is to listen to the right voice.
Marian McKee: Hello, my name is Marian McKee. I live in Kentucky. I have retinitis pigmentosa and I have been going blind over my lifetime. From a teenager to now. Total, totally blind and I just remember concerning myself about, oh, what can I see? How long am I going to see? I know I'm going blind. And on and on and on.
And I think I'll let go a lot of years worrying about going blind when I wasn't utilizing the best of my vision in the moment. And now that I look back, I think, oh my goodness, it would have been totally okay just to stay present in the moment because now I'm totally blind and I'm finding that staying present in the moment helps me to navigate the next moment and the next moment.
I was talking to a friend one day who's also totally blind, and we were just talking, and she was very vulnerable and a little tiny voice said, I just don't want to live this way.
And I can't, you know, do x, y, z, or if I can't do it the way I used to do it and heard that little, tiny voice in me and I cried. I didn't realize that, you know, all of these years, that was underneath my resistance to a lot of learning how to be blind. Grateful for Hadley and everyone there and everywhere that I've learned how to make lemonade with lemons.
I also changed that little voice into another voice that I want to hear now. And that is I’m okay, I'm going to be okay. I am not weak, I'm strong, I am not ignorant. I just haven't learned how to navigate efficiently the way I feel and most of all, I am brave and encouraged. And I'm not listening to that little, tiny voice that's not helping me.
I'm thinking that's just the day that I'm going to encourage lemonade and maybe a margarita. Can you make lemons with margaritas? Well, it doesn't really matter. Just that. Careful what I tell myself, because I'm always listening. And thank you for listening.
Douglas: Was there something that someone said to you or something that happened along the way that made all the difference in the world in helping you adjust to living with vision loss?
We‘d love to hear from you if you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail by calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected]. Again, my name is Douglas Walker. Take care and I’ll see you next time.
All Episodes
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Episode 56
When Emma lost her sight in just a few months, she struggled to cope. She felt alone, her insecurities grew, and self-esteem plummeted. With time, she came to a new understanding and that helped her tremendously.
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Episode 55
Dave calls his experience with vision loss a slow torture. In the face of this, however, he has found a sense of inspiration in explorers, history, and an activity you wouldn't typically connect with vision loss, sightseeing.
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Episode 54
When Albert's vision decreased to the point that he could no longer read print anymore, he found it stressful. But he's found a new source of comfort that helps him quite a bit.
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Episode 53
Jayne can feel isolated living with her eye disease, spending much of her days forcing herself to focus on things that have become blurry. The stress can be overwhelming, causing her to shut down. But there's one area of life that now brings her more joy than ever before.
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Episode 52
When Jeffry lost his sight, he felt a loss of control, a loss of dignity. Then, he began his long road to empowerment, one small goal at a time.
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Episode 51
Marilyn went through bouts of anxiety and depression with her vision loss and still grieves the loss several years into her journey. She also decided to do something for herself which has helped tremendously.
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Episode 50
Learning to live with vision loss wasn't always easy for Pam. But with time, her bad days are fewer.
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Episode 49
Jennifer didn't know what to do or who to go to for help as her vision was fading. Then, by chance, she found some help. She found some direction.
The book referenced in this episode is "Macular Degeneration: The Complete Guide to Saving and Maximizing Your Sight"
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Episode 48
When Carmel heard a Hadley podcast, it helped her understand what had been happening to her along with her vision loss—something she had nicknamed her "phantom vision."
Carmel mentions an episode of our sister podcast, Hadley Presents. Here's a link to that episode on Vision Loss and Charles Bonnet Syndrome.
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Episode 47
It was tough for Linda to give up driving and she was heartbroken when reading became difficult. She felt her world was shrinking. But then she asked for help.
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Episode 46
Ashia felt all alone in her vision loss. No one around her knew what she was going through. Then she found something that gave her hope.
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Episode 45
Dennis found that many aspects of life with vision loss can be a struggle. Then he found something that turned that around.