"Be careful what I tell myself"
Marian's inner voice had her living in fear. Listen in as she shares how she redirected that voice to be more helpful for her.
Hadley
Be careful what I tell myself
Marian McKee: And a little tiny voice said, I just don’t want to live this way.
Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.
Marian McKee: Hello, my name is Marian McKee. I live in Kentucky. I have retinitis pigmentosa and I have been going blind over my lifetime. From a teenager to now. Total, totally blind and I just remember concerning myself about, oh, what can I see? How long am I going to see? I know I'm going blind. And on and on and on.
And I think I'll let go a lot of years worrying about going blind when I wasn't utilizing the best of my vision in the moment. And now that I look back, I think, oh my goodness, it would have been totally okay just to stay present in the moment because now I'm totally blind and I'm finding that staying present in the moment helps me to navigate the next moment and the next moment.
I was talking to a friend one day who's also totally blind, and we were just talking, and she was very vulnerable and a little tiny voice said, I just don't want to live this way.
And I can't, you know, do x, y, z, or if I can't do it the way I used to do it and heard that little, tiny voice in me and I cried. I didn't realize that, you know, all of these years, that was underneath my resistance to a lot of learning how to be blind. Grateful for Hadley and everyone there and everywhere that I've learned how to make lemonade with lemons.
I also changed that little voice into another voice that I want to hear now. And that is I’m okay, I'm going to be okay. I am not weak, I'm strong, I am not ignorant. I just haven't learned how to navigate efficiently the way I feel and most of all, I am brave and encouraged. And I'm not listening to that little, tiny voice that's not helping me.
I'm thinking that's just the day that I'm going to encourage lemonade and maybe a margarita. Can you make lemons with margaritas? Well, it doesn't really matter. Just that. Careful what I tell myself, because I'm always listening. And thank you for listening.
Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].
All Episodes
-
Episode 80
As Kenneth lost most of his sight to glaucoma, he was feeling increasingly isolated and alone. Then he made a commitment, forcing himself to find ways to stay connected to the rest of the world.
-
Episode 79
When Carol Lee was diagnosed with age-related macular degeneration, she was angry and frustrated. Over time, resentment began to fade a bit and the shock wore off. Gradually, her perspective started to shift.
-
Episode 78
When Cliff unexpectedly lost a fair amount of his sight, he felt overwhelmed. But with time, he found a way forward.
-
Episode 77
Thomas is experiencing many challenges of late, including vision loss. He finds inspiration and hope knowing he's not alone.
-
Episode 76
Nikki has lost her vision due to a rare autoimmune disease. While she appreciates positive bits of advice and encouragement, she also stays grounded in the struggles she's facing and knows others do, too. She's feeling the loss.
-
Episode 75
When a favorite hobby became more difficult for Dianne due to glaucoma, she learned to tap into something else. It turned out to be the ideal thing.
-
Episode 74
Peter's sight slowly but steadily worsened over the course of several years. When he had to give up driving, his self-image took a hit. Working through his emotions has helped him cope and adjust.
-
Episode 73
Sherry's vision loss has been gradual yet relentless. Asking for help to do things she used to be able to do on her own is a challenge for her, as it is for many. But she's finding some new tools and new ways to do things.
-
Episode 72
Carolyn lost much of her vision after several glaucoma surgeries, leaving her feeling angry and discouraged. But a familiar childhood story inspired her to keep trying, even when tasks seemed impossible.
-
Episode 71
Learning he would never see again was heartbreaking for Shannon. Embracing what challenged him, Shannon discovered strength in the unfamiliar.
-
Episode 70
The week Jessica was diagnosed with an eye disease that would progressively impair her vision, she also found out she had cancer. A few things have helped her continue to feel strong and less isolated.
-
Episode 69
Jack's vision has been declining for years. The hardest part for him is that it just keeps changing, so he needs to keep adapting. A routine Jack's wife put in place for the couple has helped him cope and adjust.