"Be careful what I tell myself"

Hadley

Be careful what I tell myself

Marian McKee: And a little tiny voice said, I just don’t want to live this way.

Marc: This is Hadley’s Insights and Sound Bites, where people facing vision loss share what has helped them cope and adjust.

Marian McKee: Hello, my name is Marian McKee. I live in Kentucky. I have retinitis pigmentosa and I have been going blind over my lifetime. From a teenager to now. Total, totally blind and I just remember concerning myself about, oh, what can I see? How long am I going to see? I know I'm going blind. And on and on and on.

And I think I'll let go a lot of years worrying about going blind when I wasn't utilizing the best of my vision in the moment. And now that I look back, I think, oh my goodness, it would have been totally okay just to stay present in the moment because now I'm totally blind and I'm finding that staying present in the moment helps me to navigate the next moment and the next moment.

I was talking to a friend one day who's also totally blind, and we were just talking, and she was very vulnerable and a little tiny voice said, I just don't want to live this way.

And I can't, you know, do x, y, z, or if I can't do it the way I used to do it and heard that little, tiny voice in me and I cried. I didn't realize that, you know, all of these years, that was underneath my resistance to a lot of learning how to be blind. Grateful for Hadley and everyone there and everywhere that I've learned how to make lemonade with lemons.

I also changed that little voice into another voice that I want to hear now. And that is I’m okay, I'm going to be okay. I am not weak, I'm strong, I am not ignorant. I just haven't learned how to navigate efficiently the way I feel and most of all, I am brave and encouraged. And I'm not listening to that little, tiny voice that's not helping me.

I'm thinking that's just the day that I'm going to encourage lemonade and maybe a margarita. Can you make lemons with margaritas? Well, it doesn't really matter. Just that. Careful what I tell myself, because I'm always listening. And thank you for listening.

Marc: You never know who might need to hear your story. If you’d like to share with us, just leave us a message on our Insights & Sound Bites voicemail. By calling, 847-512-4867. Or, you can use your smartphone or computer and email us a recording to [email protected].